Still no broadband access at home! Stupid laptop broke two weeks ago which means that my only access is via my dad's Mac (like now) which I hate! Can't get my internal dial up modem to work either - no idea what's wrong with it either - tried everything from trouble shooters to formatiing hard drive to reinstalling it - still no joy.

When I ring talktalk tomorrow they should have a go live date for me (cue hysterical laughing) as the "managers" are dealing with it now.

Spending the morning at my parents house waiting for a John Lewis delivery for them - been here since 7.45 after having only gone to bed at 3.15am - soooo tired. I've been even more racked by insomnia since moving than usual - seems like I just can't settle in the new house at all. Charlie and the puppy are at home with Bev - Charlie is predictably still asleep. That child just won't fall asleep until gone 10pm.

Rang the ISP today...

Me: I've been waiting 20 days for my broadband access to go live, could you please tell me how much longer it will be?
Moron employed by ISP: Ermm,,, ahhh.....ermmmm well the marker went on the line today and thats BT's fault cos they wont let us put a marker on straight away so it'll be at least another 14-20 days.
Me: Hmmm, ok but when I called you 2 weeks before I moved to ask how long it would take, you said it would be a week after we moved. Then when I called the day before the move to check progress I was told it would be 10 days.
Moron: ermmmm,,,,ermmm ahhh
Me: Then when I moved I rang again and you said 20 days and thats today! I dont appear to be able to access the net today.
Moron: Ermmmmmmmmm
Me: So if it is going to be another 20 days can you tell me what I need to do to cancel my contract with you for my landline and broadband because I just can't keep waiting. I explained before that I do legal work and our clients don't like waiting for the work to be e-mailed to them.
Moron: Well now the marker is on the line we can't remove it for at least 14 days so you wouldnt be able to get another company to take it over anyway
Me: Arrrgggghhhhhhhh

Utter bastards!

Quick catch up post!

Well we're all moved in to the lovely sparkly house although we still don't have internet access and I have to walk to my parents to use my laptop on their wireless network each day to check e-mails. If plot 7 wasn't in the way I could probably access it from my sitting room!

Our resucue puppy arrived with us yesterday after picking him up from Poole. We drove down to Bournemouth on Friday and mooched around the aquarium which was lovely. I'm convinced there was another HE family in there as the mother had five children with her and at least 2 if not 3 were school age. Made me smile anyway.

After a blustery night we picked Monty up yesterday morning and then spent 1.5 hours in a traffic jam on the A34 - grrrr.

Charlie is absolutely obsessed with Monty and can't do enough for him. I'll post some photos when my internet eventually gets connected!

Is it weird to feel guilty watching people do something you have paid them to do? I feel awful sat here on my laptop watching the removal men pack everything up! On the other hand I was banging my head thinking I should have paid them to unpack tomorrow as well........

Been a busy one today. We got the rest of the stuff down from the loft and put it all in the spare room. I packed up the car with 3 boxes of Charlie's playmobil so he has something to play with at my mums whilst we are unpacking on Tuesday. Also put all the curtains and towels in the car so we don't have to scrabble around looking for them on the day.

I've disconnected the two pc's, so all my surfing is done via laptop for now - I must get a cordless mouse as I hate the mouse pads - they drive me crazy!

Did a load of filing too and printed off the last few moving house letters. Scrubbed the oven shelves too which was exciting! Done loads more I'm sure but can't recall what!

Luckily we don't have to do any cleaning before we leave as its a condition of the tenancy agreement that we have the place professionally cleaned. Cleaners are coming in after we've left on Tuesday

Quiet but expensive day!

Had a lovely long lie in this morning which was well deserved after spending over 7 hours driving yesterday! We all mooched around until lunchtime and then went to the hell that is Ikea on a Saturday to finally get the last curtain pole we need for the new house, the finials for the poles we had already bought plus other bits and pieces we never even knew we needed! Ikea is just such a dangerous place!

We then went over to Pets at Home and little Monty has two more bags of toys and more than enough poo bags! We had planned to pick up some Nature Diet for him but it was totally out of stock. Seems that the posts on Champ Dogs about raw feeding becoming so popular that they are selling out is true.

We've not been home that long and have had dinner and are all settling down to watch the Harry Potter thing and then X-Factor of course. It's Chico Time!!

It's a long road....

To Poole! It took 3.5 hours to get there this morning - leaving at 9.30! The traffic was hell, according to the Sat Nav (oh how I love my TomTom) it was 79 miles. Took 4 hours to get back from Bournemouth as we'd gone there for lunch.

So, no education of the typical type today, but as we went to see the rescue pup we are getting and the lady who was caring for him is a trainer and does showing too, this meant that she spent some time showing Charlie how to train him to "sit" and "down" the proper way the reward based training. She also explained about the BARF diet to him and let him do Monty's lunch.

We all had a lovely time and have totally fallen for him, he's so gorgeous. Just need to pass the home check - which we're confident of as its just a fence height check really and he's all ours!

Sometimes I just love the Council - not very often admittedly but on days like today when a big fat Council Tax Rebate cheque arrives because you're moving, they become my favourite people.

Just off into town with Charlie to pay the said cheque into the account and buy a puppy collar and lead. Oh yes, must remember to put petrol in the car too or else it won't get very far.

Had a nice quiet day today. No work for Charlie other than the new routine of one page of a maths workbook, which was done with relatively little complaning.

Charlie and Bev went for a long romp over the fields this morning and then this afternoon our friend from Home Ed group came with her two boys whom are Charlie's best friends.

All three children ran upstairs excitedly and stayed up there all afternoon. God knows what they were doing but there was manic laughing from them all. Pretty sure it involved various PS2 games. It was lovely to catch up with Heather, and the 3 adults drank tea and coffee and gossiped, making plans for the Heather and the boys to come and stay the weekend with us in the new house in the new year.

The bowls and dog bed arrived today ready for our hopeful new arrival.

I've finished my work for the week now and am chilling watching telly. The next few days are going to be busy with our move coming up on Tuesday. Several more trips to the tip are in order and I've been freecycling the last few useful bits too.

Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend

Oh, I do love James Blunt - his insight is .....well insightful! Listening to this song driving down the M5 on Saturday having spent the afternoon with an ex of mine was poignant. It was the first time we had seen each other for almost 7 years and it was lovely. We went to Bodenham Arboretum which was beautiful and walked her two dogs. It was a great way to really gain closure and to allow us to really move on to being the great friends we always knew we could be, given half a chance.

I've been really coming down hard on Charlie boy in connection with Maths, his pet hate. I am making him do at least a page a day. I don't usually make him do anything he doesn't want but I really think this is the only way to crack his abject hatred of the subject and to help him as he struggles so much. I'm also covertly doing the same with writing - that is even tougher than Maths - he despises writing soooo much - yet also writes me little notes when I've decline his request for something - like co-sleeping.

So after Maths today (which he did amazing well with) he did a picture from DWN and wrote the little sentences. He really enjoyed colouring today - using pastels and his artists colouring pencils and took great pride in this.

Tomorrow we have his best friends and their mum coming for the afternoon and I have to finish all my weeks work by midday! Been working all day and have literally just finished now.

In other news, it seems we have finally found our rescue dog! Well he will be 5 months when we get him but I can't say any more on here as we haven't passed our home check and the lovely rescue lady has totally not followed protocol. The pup was rescued from a really awful situation and if they hadn't managed to persuade the owners daughter-in-law to hand him over, the owner would probably have had the pup put to sleep for no reason!

Yet another productive day - something fishy is going on here! Charlie did several pages of maths - some very quickly and managed to finish the whole workbook. He did really well at some quite hard taking away sums and at some time stuff.

I downloaded and printed some Narnia stuff from the Film Education website and he has just started to look at that.

He and Bev went over to the playground and spent an hour or so running about and they have just spent another hour in the garden, sorting out the shed before we move and generally larking about.

We've not done any Sonlight this week and don't intend to do any for the next 2 weeks either due to the move. We've stopped at a convenient place, just at the beginning of the Egyptian stuff and as its something Charlie is very interested in, we'll be adding loads of extras in to this. Having said that, he appears to love all history. We're seriously considering a trip to Egypt early next year which would tie in beautifully, but the heat worries me as does the food/tummy upset situation! We think a Nile Cruise would be perfect as there are trips everyday to places like Abu Simel, Valley of the Kings, various temples etc and it all sounds fabulous.

My parents are probably doing one in April, but as we can't afford their kind of holiday, and April would be toooooo hot, we won't be joining them. Hayes & Jarvis have some promising holidays, and are posh enough to allay my fears of illness, whereas looking at the Airtours cruises frightened me!

It's been a pretty productive day today for a change.

With no fuss whatsoever, Charlie sat down and finished his diary entry about his little climbing expedition and then did a page of maths. THEN he asked to make a maths game and I fell off my chair with surprise!

I'm not quite sure how it works - its some kind of cross between a dot-to-dot, board game and addition sums. But the important thing is that he just spontaneously asked to do it and its maths related!

I'm flabbergasted!

We both had a lovely time at our local home ed group last week, but it was also sad because it will be our last before our move two weeks today. As yet, I haven't managed to unearth a single home ed group in our new area, and there is no way you could persuade me to join in with the weird "closed group" in Oxford! Who wants to drive 45 minutes to be "checked out" and "assessed" by other people who then decide if you are good enough/the right type/or whatever it is they think you should be before you can join in???

I can't believe that a town as big as the one we will be closest to has *nothing* going on - but apparently it doesn't! Nobody on the Oxfordshire yahoo group appears to be anywhere near us either - pah.

We've such a lovely group here and to go from being a founder member of that to a place where there is nothing isn't pleasant. Charlie was very upset to say goodbye to all his friends last week, and sobbed all the way home. Even being allowed to hold the TomTom and tell me which way to go didn't cheer him up!

In fact he was so upset there were murmurings of maybe thinking he wanted to go to school just so he can have friends. Arghhhhhhh!

Today was interesting - it took 5 hours 15 minutes to write a page in an A5 exercise book! Double arrgggghhhh. I could scream, I really could. I just don't get what he hates so much about writing! He hates writing even more than he hates maths and yet when he does write, its incredibly neat with wonderful spelling. Today was soooo painful!

At the weekend I showed Charlie the neopets website and help him set up his pet gelert. Cue hours and hours on neopetness. He is addicted! Then again he is addicted to all the weird documentary channels on Sky too. Sometimes his knowledge is scary. He started lecturing my parents about something or other the other day and their mouths were hanging open. It was to do with physics I think - I was a bit busy trying not to spit out the mouthful of red wine which I decided to taste! Ugh it was vile....definitely a spirits and champagne woman! Charlie didn't care much for the red either but quite liked the white apparently.

Weekend in photos

First Charlie made cakes with Bev

The baking soda experiment

It was cold outside on Saturday morning...

Charlie did an activity from SOTW

The completed "cave" drawing

On Sunday we went to Keynes Country Park....

He climbed up....

...and coming down

We've had greater success this week with "work". He's done his normals and Sonlight and even did some amazingly neat writing in his scientists notebook. We're off to see a 3D film with film education tomorrow at the iMax in Bristol so looking forward to that.

I've had some of my blood test results back and my anti-cardiolipin antibodies are raised. I need another test in 5 weeks and if they come back raised too then it means I have Hughes Syndrome and will need asprin and heparin to sustain a pregnancy. The doc at the fertility clinic also said that I still need the NKC test but to leave it until January when I start taking the pill.

Been reading up on Hughes Syndrome and its pretty scary, but also explains a lot of stuff too.

After a short (ish) tantrum Charlie is actually doing some maths right this minute. We're about 3/4 through Miquon orange not but having flicked through the next through pages I could see that they were going to be way too hard for him, so I got out a Dk maths workbook instead and he is happily (well ish) doing basic fractions and some addition too at the mo with Bev as I'm working as usual.

Sonlight normals next I guess plus SOTW.

Just occured to me that yet again I am doing more waiting in this whole infertility/ttc'ing debacle.

This time I'm waiting for blood test results, which may or may not give a definite answer as to why I can't stay pregnant. It's bizarre to *want* a blood test to come back positive but I so do. Anyone of the 3 I had will do, and yet it's not a nice thought to think that your own body attacks and kills your tiny little embryos. But if I do get a positive result then at least I can get some drugs to try to help to fix it. Not like the endometriosis that has plagued my life for 19 years now - that can't be treated really and certainly can't be "cured" without a hysterctomy!

So one and a half weeks of waiting down two and a half to go before the results are in. If they're all negative then there's only one more to have and if that's negative it means I have unexplained infertility and *that* I can't deal with as it has no rhyme or reason or treatment.

As every month passes and Charlie gets closer and closer to being 8, I worry more and more about the large sibling age gap I will end up with if I get lucky. Not worried that Charlie will be bothered by a baby as he seems to want a baby more than I do most of the time, but worried that he won't really benefit from having a sibling in his childhood. They'll be too far apart to play together really in a way that's satisfying for Charlie and meets his desperate need for companionship.

I know that if I get lucky, I will try again almost immediately for a 3rd and maybe fourth and that worries me too as it would seem as Charlie will be left out as the younger ones will have each other.

Over the past 6 years, and particularly over the last 4, I've cried for him and his loneliness and longing for a sibling, felt so much guilt that I couldn't produce one for him yet, and guilt that as the age gap widens the benefits won't be there for him.

Today again he was saying how much he hates being an only child and how he wishes we had a baby and that was the only thing he wanted for "all of the christmases and all of the birthdays, I don't care about presents, I just want a brother or sister" and I just totally broke down which isn't really like me at all.

Wishy Washy day

We're really struggling to get Charlie motivated into doing anything at the moment. Quite apart from this his behaviour is pretty appalling too - so much cheek and disrespect it is unreal.

I'm very disappointed that I just can't find anything going on home ed wise in the vacinity of where we are moving too - I just don't understand it. The town we are nearest to is the second largest in the county - there must be some HE'ers somewhere! I've still not had any reply from either of the EO/HE UK contacts for the county - its been at least 3 weeks now - so pretty pissed off.

Yet another frustrating week where I feel we haven't achieved anything educational because Charlie hasn't sat and done his normals or anything - arrggghhhh. Feel pretty much like leaving it until after Christmas now as it's going to be November before we move!

We went back up to Oxfordshire on Wednesday as Bev had an interview for a job there. We went shopping in Banbury first and managed to find lots of bits and bobs we wanted for the new house including getting Charlie to chose some new towels for his bathroom. He's very proud of his new white towels with penguins on.

Managed to find him some desert boots in M&S - size 1 now - arrggghhh very scary that he is in bigger sizes now!!! He also got some new jeans there too, fab ones with adjustable waist - totally necessary for him as he is such a skinny minny these days as well as being tall for his age.

On to my parents for lunch before Bev went off for her interview and then Charlie, mum and I went to the sales office to choose the flooring for our new house - very exciting too. Then across to the house to measure up for curtain poles and blinds. Found out we are getting a freebie burgular alarm.

Bev and my dad both got back around 4pm ish and we had a lovely roast chicken dinner before driving home.

Tonight I decided to tackle painting the kitchen. This had to be done as it specifically states in the tenancy agreement that all decorating must be made "good" before leaving - very strict landlady! I had sent Bev out earlier for kitchen paint and it didn't become apparent until about half was done that she had purchased ordinary silk emulsion. And the colour was like a bunch of bananas at Gay Mardi Gras!!

I swore a lot, gave up a lot and have finally decided to leave ALL the re-painting to the concierge service I use. At £10 per hour plus vat and materials it isn't going to be cheap but I am now officially sick of all of things decorating.

The house will be all magnolia by the time we depart - surely the landlady can't object to that??

Another busy weekend has passed in a blur of yet more de-cluttering, tile painting, window frame scubbing and general cleaning. I *think* we are now ready to start the mamouth task of painting the hall, stairs and landing and kitchen and spare room before we move. That will teach me to put paint samples on walls a year ago and not do anything about it until a few weeks before we move!

The spare room is going to be the worst job - very small box room painted quite a deep lilac - at least a 2 coat job to cover it I imagine!

We went for a lovely walk this afternoon - taking our usual route across the fields to the shop just outside the village. Charlie collected a respectable haul of conkers - the first we've seen this year.

Since our tomotoes did so well we've decided to try and grow some more of our own fruit and veg in our new garden. I've found a couple of excellent Kitchen Garden books on Amazon and I think we are going to attempt potatoes, courgettes and carrots/parsnips as well next year. Charlie has loved caring for the tomatoes this year and was *so* excited when he was able to harvest them.

Stop press! Charlie has actually done some "work" today! Must be the first since ermm May/June??

I managed to squeeze a page of miquon out of him and persuaded him to finish his desert animals book I printed from the Enchanted Learning members site. I do love this site and will definitely be renewing next year. For now we have loads of stuff that he asked to print out that are sat un-done in his tray!

We've had a very crafty week this week. Charlie has started his cross stitch kit and is very keen on this, made and painted plaster cast rainforest magnets which we got from the Living Rainforest in Reading and produced the usual huge pile of drawings.

We've been doing a huge amount of de-cluttering this week in anticipation of our house move - I love doing this. So far we have taken 16 full to the brim bin bags to the charity shops. All of it has been Charlie's old stuff from baby and toddler clothes to toys. 11 came from the loft!

I did the playroom yesterday - another 2 bags for the charity shop and recycled loads of scrumpled bits of paper etc.

Also scrubbed and sorted the utility room - it was disgusting! The inside of the window frames were black - they couldn't have been touched for years - bleugh.

Yet another catch up post!

The rest of last week passed in a blur of work and the very exciting news that the offer on the house we want to buy has been accepted. Totally terrifying as its a huge amount, but considering ourselves very lucky that I have parents willing to "invest" the deposit for us to help us back on the ladder after 6 years of renting.

I *hated* having to step off the ladder when divorcing Charlie's dad but it had to be done at the time, so this is a very welcome surprise. My parents totally surprised us with us - not sure how I feel about being so *very* close to their new house but Charlie loves the idea and I suppose having a nature reserve/lakes as your back garden is pretty fab. We literally step out of the garden gate cross a path and we're in the nature reserve - so less than 10 yards.

Buying a brand new house has distinct advantages - lovely sparkly paint/wood work/bathroom/kitchen. I will be so glad to see the back of the dark brown kitchen cabinets and murky green bathroom suite here!!

Having no luck finding anything home ed group like in the area though which is a PITA and has had Charlie in tears. Ok, so there's the mysterious Oxford groups that meet most weeks - but that's a good 50-60 minute drive away - so not really practical for me with working at home. E-mailed the EO contact and two others listed for the wider area but no replies as yet.

Our local home ed group here met today for swimming which was really fun and I got to hold a baby for the first time in yonks which was both wonderful and sad at the same time - but I did love it - I'm such a "baby" person that I've found myself being introduced this way at home ed group!

Charlie had a fab time - larking around with the older ones and being as sweet as always with the toddler - he loved pushing her around in her floaty ring thing and pretending to chase her - so sweet.

Egg Share info for Layla

The pre-starting stuff didn't take too long at all. You need all the usual blood tests done (yours from the ARGC will be valid though) and then some extras as you are egg sharing. They are the test to see if you are a Cystic Fibrosis carrier, CMV and a full chromosone study. You must also have a FSH of <10 and a BMI <30.

The chromosone and CF take the longest to come back - upto four weeks and the clinic do them as GP's won't due to expense.

You will need an HIV test 12 weeks from the date you had one done at the ARGC ( am assuming a bit there but most IF clinics do them as standard) but the Lister are happy for you to have it done whilst taking the pill to line up your cycle.

They will do blast transfer without any probs if the embies look good enough on about day 3 - although they look at them every day obviously.

As for phoning - for the egg share nurses you always have to leave a message and get them to return your call. But to make appointments for your first consultation you just need to ring reception and they will put you through to the right person. My recommendation would be to see Dr Parikh - she is fab and very up on the immune stuff and was working very closely with Dr Carter. She has also had 2 children by IVF herself so is truly understanding and compassionate - she will always go the extra mile to give you information others might not.

If you're not sure that you have the right number - just e-mail me and I will give it to you.

Just got back from my review with Jaya - wow it was really busy there today - loads of harrassed peopled who'd been delayed giving the receptionist a hard time! There had been delays from embryo transfers and the early morning clinic or something. We had to wait 30 mins to see Jaya - so not bad for us but others had been there more than an hour.

I felt it was a really good positive review and Jaya was as lovely and reassuring as ever.

She said that my eggs were all top quality and embryos beautiful too leading her to believe its an implantation/staying pregnant problem.

She thinks that in all likelihood my embryos did implant on day 5 post et and that the next day my progesterone levels plumetted. She also thinks there is a possibility that I have immune issues - like sticky blood or NK cell activity. She says from looking at my file and the details of the recipients those are the only explanations.

So I need blood tests for NK cells, antiphospholipid antibodies, anticardiolipin antibodies and lupus anticoagulant.

She said that any of those would be treated with steriods/heparin/baby asprin depending which and that I would leave the delights of the botty bombs/cyclogest behind and have the injections instead.

She will also recommed again that my embies are taken to blast if good enough.

She also said there is no problem with me egg sharing again and that I was "crazy to think she wouldn't put me through for that as my eggs are so perfect and I'm a great candidate."

So we have a plan of action which is good, and after checking figures and likely dates (because of flying to USA next November) I worked out I can cycle again May/June next year.

I feel so relieved that I can egg share again as I've wanted to do it since I was about 8 and heard about women that donate their eggs. It is *so* important to me that I can donate again.

It feels a bit strange to be on my way to a different IF diagnosis, I always assumed it was my endo - but it appears not. Jaya said there is no evidence at all that it is particularly "active/bad" at the moment.

We had a lovely time at home ed group today. Four new families, two with large amounts of children and a good smattering of the regulars. I just *love* sitting round chatting and drinking tea and eating home made cakes whilst watching groups of children playing so *nicely* together. Ages ranged from 7 months to 14 - and it still surprises me how well it works.

At the end a few of us discussed the possibility of holding the group twice a month from now on which is quite exciting. The idea being one session of informal play like today and one slightly more activity orientated session. Exciting times as the group grows in this area.

Yesterdays' dentist visit was ok. I need to go back in six weeks as he decided to give the big hole in gum longer to heal. He was talking about putting something over the hole - didn't quite understand - just hoping I get the sedation as it wasn't needed yesterday!

Ikea was pretty good too - managed to procur a new shower curtain, organiser box thingy for Charlies' art stuff, new tea spoons and a new pillow ready for when Bevs' mum comes to stay!

Yet more underwear for the monkey was bought and an interesting mooch around the supermarket too.

Quick catch up post before I'm off to the dentist again - think he is going to look at the big mess he made of my gum but not sure. Wouldn't mind another IV sedation induced sleep :)

Saturday - we went to the International Organic Food & Wine Festival at the harbourside in Bristol. Was absolutely fab - loads of yummy tasters and heaps of freebies - tons of Green and Blacks and other goodies. We got there bang on 10am as it started and it was heaving! Queued for ages for the free ferry to take you across to the other side where the other half of the festival was. Was even busier over there. Had gorgeous organic lunch and then mooched around Broadmead, poking heads in The Works and various other places but didn't buy anything other than pants for Charlie!

Sunday - went to my parents new house. Absolutely gorgeous. They've bought a house in a tiny village in Oxfordshire that backs onto a lake nature reserve. Come out of their front door, walk down a small path and in about 10 metres you are at the lakes. Had a fab lunch, walked around the lakes - saw deer,coots and massive fish and then we went to look at two other houses for sale. Sorely tempted to move and get foot back on evil property ladder. Charlie adored it there - and wanted to move immediately. Very idealic.

Today - he's done most of his "normals" and will finish his science,read alouds and maths when we get back from the dentist. Oh an Ikea :) Thought we'd pop in for a mooch.

Tomorrow our local home ed group re-starts and we can't wait to get back into the swing of things. Charlie is desperate to see his friends again and needs some socialisation!

Been thinking a lot recently about how to change/reorganise how we do stuff here and about what "extras" to get him involved with. Might do a long blog later about it all - good to think aloud.

Just had my call back. Nurse was very nice, sympathetic etc She says that it will be up to my doctor whether or not I will be allowed to egg share again as it will depend on the review appointment.

Review appointment now booked for 12th September where we'll find out what they think went wrong. My feelings are I may have NK cell/other immune issues so may have to submit to yet more blood tests.

This fertility stuff is just never ending, all you seem to do is sit around and wait.

So today was the day of the official pregnancy test for the clinic. I reluctantly peed on the stick and of course the result was no surprise. Have just left a message on their answer phone and am waiting for my call back.

If I'm not allowed to egg share again then we're stuffed. We'd need around £6000 for a cycle of ICSI including the drugs, travel and hotel costs and as we have our 4 week Disney World holiday booked for next November, it would be around early 2008 before we could afford that.

As it is, even if they allow me to egg share one last time, it still costs around £2000 and with the holiday booked and the time scale involved it would be 2007 before we could try again.

The thought of having to wait another two or three years is more hideous than the negative result. It would mean I've been trying/waiting for 8/9 years altogether!

Many thanks for all the good wishes - it means so much. Absolutely everything crossed for all at Out of the West here.

The Monkey House

It's all over. Period started last night and has turned to very heavy loss today. I'm gutted and destroyed to not reach testing date - my period never comes early! Charlie has trashed his room - he is distraught too. Clinic still want me to test a week today as say a small chance, but when it's over you just know it.

Day 8 of the 2ww.

The 2 week wait sucks. OHSS sucks. Infertility totally sucks. Arrgghhhh I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until either test day comes or my period does.

Been having very low down painful dragging pains since about 3.30pm.Totally sunk into a negative state of mind. Completely convinced that this hasn't worked - AGAIN.

6 damn years of trying and waiting - 6 years worth of IUI's and IVF.

Friend with 8 children has just found out she is having her ninth. I am happy for her, I truly am as she has been trying for 2 years for this one and was devastated when it looked like she might need treatment and the clinic told her it was unlikely to work due to age.

I just want to know when it will be my turn.

There was a bit of an incident at 2am on Friday morning involving copious amounts of pain and 2 ambulance rides to 2 different hospitals. I've got a bit of OHSS and was admitted for most of Friday. After having a scan and blood tests they let me home with strict instructions to drink loads and rest loads. Not pleasant but feeling much better today. Nausea and breathlessness have gone for now.

I did a test this morning to check that the HcG in my trigger injection has left my body now which it has - so that means any positives from now on are just that. I *might* test on Friday as I prefer to test daily from day 10/11 as I find it helps me not to have the big build up to one test day.

Thanks for all the good wishes everyone - much appreciated.

We're back from embryo transfer now and I have to say that it was all pretty exciting.

All 5 embryos were grade 1 between 6-8 cells.

We had two grade 1 embryos replaced - both were 8 cells although one was already racing ahead to become a morula.

The clinic said that they were absolutely excellent embryos so here's hoping my body can hang onto them this time and not let me down.

I am testing on the 29th!

Charlie absolutely loved seeing the embryos on the screen before they were put inside me and so did I. Its such an amazing privilege to see your future babies at 3 days post conception.

Laugh or cry?

I wasn't sure which to do after todays call from the clinic!

Egg collection was fine yesterday. 15 eggs collected, 8 for me and 7 for the recipient.

6 of my share were mature enough to be ICSI'd and this morning the clinic called and said that I have 5 top grade embryos. I really didn't know whether to cry with relief or laugh with relief after having no fertilisation last time.

As there are no clear leaders, embryo transfer will either be Thursday or Saturday in which case it will be a 5 day blastocyst transfer. I find out at 8.15 on Thursday morning which day it will be - at which point if I have to go in it will be a mad rush to the train station to catch the train!

I'm just praying now that at least 2 survive until transfer day - whenever that is.

I am incredibly bloated and in much pain - walking is particularly painful as is laughing! But its *so* worth it.

Off to lie down again now...

London bound AGAIN

Scan went well on Friday - 11 huge follicles between 16-21mm including 2 @ 20mm and 4 smaller ones between 12-16mm - so all should be mature by tomorrow morning. My oestradiol was 8532 which is better than at the same stage in the last cycle and up from Wednesdays reading - so here's hoping. Apparently each egg produces 600 units.

The sonographer let Charlie measure some of the follicles but luckily didn't let him loose on the dildo cam itself!

After doing my trigger injection last night at 9pm I have enjoyed a totally drug free day today and a lie-in. No more evil sniffs - and we'll just gloss over the thought of the dreaded botty bombs due to start on Tuesday - I'm in denial

Have to be at the hospital at 7.30am tomorrow so we're off to stay in a London hotel tonight - be leaving just before 6.

Thanks for all the good wishes - I'm trying to send positive vibes to the couple I am donating eggs to too - here's hoping that her share fertilise nicely tomorrow.

Quick note for Alison if she's reading - every time the train passes through Reading Charlie waves at you all and says that's where those home edders we met at @Bristol live

Hard boiled or scrambled?

Another we're just off to London post again.....very important scan and more blood sucking today - this is the big one folks - time to see if all those "eggs" are cooked enough to be collected to be collected on Monday.

B is staying at home today as my work needs to be collected by the courier so its just Charlie and I braving the streets of London - and the tube again. He was still not happy about going on the tube on Wednesday and I am sure today will be the same - he is convinced that we are going to die on it.

Quick update

Scan yesterday was good - 13 good sized follicles seen so about the same number as in the last cycle. Had blood taken too. Back again to clinic tomorrow and another scan and more blood taken. Looking like last injections on Saturday night and egg collection on Monday.

Charlie zoomed through his Sonlight this morning and postively whizzed through his Miquon too. Despite proclaiming that he hates maths he has really grasped the multiplication sums and I never, ever thought I'd say that, but he has and I'm astounded. He totally *gets* that 3x3 is the same as 3+3+3 and it really excites him that he *gets* it too!

We're just leaving to catch the train to London for my lunchtime scan appointment.

Fingers crossed I am responding to the drugs ok and there are lots and lots of lovely follicles.

Only lunchtime yet

All "normals" done already! Charlie started his Sonlight with History as usual and we did the extension of SOTW as well along with the suggested activities. So he's learned all about Mesopotaemia, Nomads, first settlers, coloured in the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, Egypt, Nubia and all the surrounding seas too and a picture of a farmer using a Shaduf.

Readers and read alouds were next followed by Science where he learnt about how water gets into homes. He did the Sonlight Science activity sheets and cut out and stuck down little picture showing each stage. He really enjoyed this too.

He has just breezed through 2 pages in his Miquon book and loved it! He was actually jumping up and down in excitement when he realised that he could work out the times questions for himself. Big smiles all round as he worked out different ways of calculating 4x5. Very sucessful indeed.

Busy day

Just realised that I hadn't blogged last night as intended.

No lie-in this morning for me so up at 10.00am because expecting the DHL man to collect my work that my parents have moved to Oxfordshire and therefore nearer the head office (where's the banana dance icon??)

Quiet-ish morning spent not doing much whilst waiting for him to arrive. I caught up with my e-mails, doing the bank rec, message boards and podcasts and spent some time surfing FF.

Did my injection mid-morning and again it was another painful one.

Charlie spent the morning playing outside and reading and then just as we sat down to lunch at 1.00pm the DHL man arrived - impeccable timing as always.

After shovelling the lunch down our throats we rushed off into town to go to the greengrocers and supermarket for the weeks shopping. Then onto the bank to pay a bill and get £10 worth of change ready for the car park machine and tube fares tomorrow. I don't "do" cash and pay for everything with my debit card where possible so consequently never have any change!

Then onto the recycling centre to get rid of the latest lot of plastics and cardboard and finally home.

Spent an hour or so checking up on likely train fares for the remainder of my clinic visits and decided that I should book a hotel in London for Sunday night assuming that my egg collection will be on Monday. It is August and it is London after all so thought that booking whilst a room is available was wise and I can always cancel it if the scans and blood tests show I won't be ready by Monday.

After dinner Charlie watched some more Discovery Kids whilst Bev and I painted the spare room. Only took 1.5 hours so I was pretty impressed and it was the first time that Bev has ever painted! I was a bit worried about the colour as it looked very dark whilst going on but it has dried lighter and we both really like it.

We have no idea what colour curtains to get though - room is like a lavender colour if anyone has any ideas?

Outdoorsy day

Charlie woke incredibly early this morning - groan - so he asked to watch some tv whilst we went back to sleep. 3 hours of Discovery Kids later we decided to get up!

He mainly read this morning before lunch - he started yet another book today and has almost finished it already.

After lunch he played outside with next doors children and then Bev took him down to Joyces' Pool on his bike, through the fields at the back of the house. By all accounts he had a lovely time but got very frustrated that he couldn't cycle back up the hill on the way home as he found the field too steep. A tantrum ensued apparently.

He's been playing since he got back, sometime with Murray from next door and sometimes just cycling around the cul-de-sac. He's come inside now as he was thirsty and I think he is watching Animal Planet before dinner. We have a rather lovely low fat lasagne in the slow cooker and it smells gorgeous!

I've been stuck inside working all day and have finally finished which means I can take the day off tomorrow - yippee. My injection today was really painful - very sting-y.

Quiet day

We all had a lovely lie-in again today - although the alarm was set as usual to enable me to do my sniffs.

After breakfast we decided to go to Cirencester and mooched around the rather large Tesco Extra as we had been informed there was a 75% off sale on summer stuff. We had planned to get some cheapy reclining garden chairs but alas no sale!

We got the paint for the spare room though and some other bits and pieces and then went off to the Abbey grounds park. Charlie loved the playground there and was far bolder than he has ever been before. He climbed right to the top of one of those rope climbing structures which amazed me. We walked around the rest of the lake and through the top half of the grounds and into the town afterwards.

Game were having a sale on so I bought Charlie his last three presents in the form of 3 PS2 games. He has a very respectable haul of presents now and it has been interesting that this year has been one of the easiest to buy for. He isn't really into "toys" in the way most children are, so that does make it very hard to buy him stuff.

We walked back through the grounds to where the car was parked and I was feeling pretty exhausted by this time. The IVF drugs are *really* taking it out of me this time - I definitely didn't suffer in this way before. I blame being 30 rather than the 29 of 6 months ago when I did the first IVF cycle. I *don't* like being 30!

Another catch up post!

Despite my best intentions to get back on track with the blogging, the dental stuff has waylaid me slightly!

Charlie update - went to his "best home ed" friends house for a very enjoyable afternoon last week. They keep chickens and Charlie's face was a picture when he was told and even bigger smiles when he got to hold one - so wish I had my camera with me - pretty stupid to forget you have your V3 with you too! I put it down to nerves about the impending dental surgery the next day. Also spent a morning at a friends house with her four girls and it was lovely to catch up there too.

Charlie discovered Knex at his friends house which is fortunate as that is one of his already wrapped christmas presents.

The rest of last week passed in a bit of a blur and the down reg headaches didn't make things any easier!

We went to Bath last Saturday which was lovely although some crazy women grabbed me by the shoulders from behind and shoved me in the path of a pooing seagull. Luckily I was wearing my coat!

The Sonlight Science package arrived this week and it looks *fab*. Charlie is really into it, and did two days worth today as well as the rest of his Sonlight Core normals and even did 1.5 pages of Miquon without complaining.

He is still racing ahead with his reading - both Sonlight and his own. He read *2* Roald Dahl books last night in one hour! That makes 7 books this week alone.

Me update - dental pain has now ceased but large hole in gum is very annoying and a bit tender. My face is still swollen which is odd but the swelling under the eye has gone down a fair bit.

We went to London on Thursday for my first scan. Paddington station was crawling with police - at least 30 odd of them walking round in pairs - four with machine guns and two with police dogs. Charlie was absolutely terrified of going on the Underground and I thought we were going to have a meltdown and flat out refusal but we didn't. Despite his total fear he managed to control himself and apart from muttering to himself about "killer tube trains" and that we were all going to die and that he didn't trust me that we weren't going to, he did well.

The police officers let him stroke the alastians and introduced themselves and shook his hands which he thought was fab.

We had a lovely walk in the sunshine down Chelsea Bridge Road to the clinic. My scan was all fine and I started injecting on Thursday.

I *really* struggled mentally doing my first injection. It hit me that its not just me I am doing this for but the recipient of half of my eggs. It felt like such a huge responsibility that she *needs* my eggs to give her a shot at motherhood, and that it was down to me to make good quality eggs again. I don't know why this affected me so much this time but it did.

Oh the hideous pain! Yikes - I don't think I'm very brave.

Unfortunately when the dentist took out the last tooth a large piece of gum came with it leaving the bone exposed (where's the puking icon?) So he had to pull the gum down from above and sew it up apparently - have to see him again in September as apparently he doesn't have a clue how he will fix it and I may have to go to hospital for a surgeon to correct it! I don't recall any of this being said but Bev reliably informs me that is what he was saying whilst I was merrily slumped on the sofa in the recovery room!

How how I love that IV sedation lol

Rest of teeth beautifully fixed now - but the throbbing is driving me nuts and I have anti-biotics to take because of the really large hole in my upper gum.

Started down reg for ICSI today too and the last of the pill - which was some consolation as the pill really seemed to be affecting me this time. Just waiting for my period to come now so I can ring the Lister and book my baseline scan.

The embryologist rang on Tuesday when we got back from the dental clinic to talk donor sperm to me - it was really hard to speak but I think I conveyed what I meant to. No blonde donor sperm available at all at the moment so had to go with a light brunette with blue eyes,slim, proven fertility, graduate, sporty and some scarily intelligent past times. Can't really remember what else she said as I was still half out of it!

Off for my dental surgery in a bit - so scared about the pain afterwards especially as I start down reg for the IVF/ICSI on Thursday too! I've taken the week off sick as I know the pain is going to be awful - it was bad enough last time - 3 weeks of taking painkillers daily - and I only had about 1/5 of what I'm having done today.

Anyway, here's hoping that this is the last appointment - I think it is - but my dentist isn't very forthcoming - and my teeth will at last be all fixed.

Got my stack of flannels ready for the car as expecting loads of blood again - bleugh!

Home ed may be on hold for a few days now.

The day started with a lovely cuddle in bed with Charlie - he is loving the chance of co-sleeping again whilst Bev is away - unfortunately for him she is back tonight!

This morning he has done a huge amount - totally willingly and without fuss! He started with Sonlight and did the read alouds and readers and finished off Archiologists Dig for Clues - which he loved. He zipped through the comprehension/narration questions and then we caught up on a load of map work which he loved. I deviated from the Sonlight norm here by printing out relevant maps and asking him to colour in the relevant countries and he then numbered them and made a key. He really enjoyed this, and we looked all the way back through the Study Guides and did all those we had missed in previous weeks. Works better for us than using the markable map because the pen marks on it seem to disappear! Took him a while to do but he loved it and didn't even complain about writing the key!

This is the way we are going to deal with all the map work from now on - its also a way of stretching it a bit for his ability as just putting a dot on a map isn't enough for Charlie - he loves Geography.

He finished off with a couple of pages of Miquon.

I spent last night checking out Childs History of the World and Story of the World and its accompanying activity book. I've printed the chart that correlates the two books, and had a look through the introduction of each - ready to start when we reach that point in a day or two. Charlie is so looking forward to starting the main history parts of Sonlight. I decided to buy the extra books suggested in SOTW from Amazon, so last night I duly ordered the Usborne Internet Linked History of the World, Kingfisher Encyclopedia of British History, Usborne Internet Linked Encyclopedia of the Ancient World, The Kingfisher History Encyclopedia and the DK Animal Encyclopedia (not related to history!)

So easy to blow £80 on books!

Finished HP6 this morning before starting work - seemed much "slower" that the previous 2 or 3 and I just *don't* see how the last book is going to work properly after that character's been killed off - just doesn't make any *sense* to the story line to me. Will be *very* interesting to see how she pulls it off I think.

The first of my IVF drugs have arrived today - the evil sniffs - or down reg drugs and by coincidence Charlie's new psoriasis stuff came too. The Omega 3&6 oils smelt and tasted disgusting but he took them without complaining, despite being put on twice a normal dose bless him. The scalp oil for night time and the new cream also came so he's been creamed up for the first time today. Poor mites' got quite a regime now - 2 teaspons of the oils 3 times a day, 2 tablets 3 times a day, the m-folia cream 3 times a day and the scalp oil at night time!

We've had to make a chart to remember it all and tick it all off - but he never complains bless him. Its all natural stuff and he realises that it will help him in the long run. I'm really hoping the new regime will do the trick as the guy said.

Add to that my drugs too - I've also got a chart - and the dining room wall looks like a nurses station! I got some pregnancy/conception vitamins yesterday that included folic acid and iron so I don't need to take three different tablets, just one of those a day and my pill.

The shelf in the dining room looks like a pharmacy now - especially as all Bev's diabetes medication is there - as well as her injections she takes a whole load of pills everyday for various things connected to the diabetes.

We rattle as we all walk together!

Outside the holiday apartment

Living Coasts

Yet more Kynance Cove

More Kynance Cove

Kynance Cove

Paradise Park

C and B @ Hayle

Charlie and Bev running the dunes at Hayle

Water fight!

Charlie and Beverley at Dryham Park

Charlie and best friends at Legoland

Home Ed legoland trip

Weekend catch up

Friday - Woke up feeling *really* terrible with a non-migrainous migraine (!?) so tried to sleep it off rather than working, but Charlie refused to stay downstairs and kept coming into the bedroom.

Was feeling slightly more human by the afternoon although I still didn't do any work so lazed on the sofa instead and talked to Charlie about what he'd like to do next. He asked to do some African animal pictures so we came up with the idea of drawing a map of Africa and sticking them all on. This necessitated a visit to Hobbycraft and I swear I can *still* hear my bank manager screaming. Charlie is *dangerous* in that place and we left £70 lighter.

We arrived home and Charlie started drawing the animals using his draw write now books.

Saturday - We had a lovely long lie in and then spent a while deciding on some house rules which Charlie was keen to write up. I can't blog what triggered this but suffice to say Charlie had attempted to do something pretty terrible to himself the night before. We also decided to re-jig the chores as he just refuses to dry up anymore without a huge fuss - so he ended up with *loads* of smaller daily jobs and a few weekly ones - all chosen by him and so far he is doing them without complaining.

After this Charlie set about completing his African animals project and the finished result looks pretty good (will blog a photo later) and he is really proud of himself.

After lunch we went to do some shopping. I needed to change the charger for my bluetooth headset for my V3 - absolutely loving my new phone and I also wanted to buy Harry Potter 6. Managed to buy four rolls of christmas wrapping paper which I was pleased with as I needed to wrap all the presents I have bought so far.

Came home and filled up the new paddling pool and Charlie and I lounged in it whilst Beverley ordered and fetched the chinese take away. Contemplated having dinner sat in the pool as the water was so warm but one look from B sorted that idea out!

Sunday - I had to finish my work today due to not having worked on Friday. Charlie and B played in the garden, read and generally mooched and then after lunch we all went to the local shop and had an ice cream. More laying around reading by all of us.

After dinner we wrestled Charlie into the bath - freezing cold with no hot water in at his request - nuts!

He didn't fall asleep until 11pm! I spent the evening wrapping his christmas presents - how organised and righteous do I feel?

Results are in.....

Pre-ICSI screening ones that is and I *still* don't have any nasty lurgies so that's thankful! Gp says my haemoglobin is low though so just off to grab some of those pregnant women vits online which are on 3 for 2 at Boots atm - rather handy!

I'm not Mummy anymore....

.....but "mistress" according to my beloved son, and he is my servant and Bev is my head servant - oh the irony! He absolutely refuses to call me Mummy now - might have to remove all his roman books as he seems to have got into the whole mistress/servant thing from those!

So far this week he's had his first ever dentist appointment and despite him shaking with fear and us having to drag him out the car it went well. His teeth are excellent although the dentist said he will need a brace in a few years to sort out his top two teeth and if he is to play any contact sports he'll need a gum shield. Thank god he's not at school! The yellow spots on the bottom two were caused by damage done to the baby teeth when he was a baby/toddler and fell apparently. But thankfully he hasn't inherited my weak teeth - I am so relieved.

Charlie was diagnosed with psoriasis about 12 weeks ago and has now gone from 4 patches on his arm to a whole spread across his back and shoulders and patches on his leg. Spent a very interesting half an hour on the phone to the director of the m-folia company trying to figure out why it has suddenly got so much worse and what else we can try. He is kindly sending some free cream and advised some omega 3&6 oils too along with the scalp oil so we bought those and are awaiting their delivery.

Pregnancy tests arrived today from the clinic (?!) but bizarely no down reg drugs - talk about jumping the gun! Started the pill yesterday and within a few hours of taking it, hideous nausea arrived. I really *really* despise taking the pill - its horrid. Thankfully only 14 more of them to take and then I start the down reg drugs instead - oh the joys of the evil sniffs.

Bev and I were discussing how weird it is to imagine that in 5 weeks time this cycle will be over and we will be in the 2 week wait.

Charlie has done some miquon this week with a sprinkling of English - he still hates writing though and its not easy to persuade him to do any. I've tried everything including "quick writes" but its just not happening.

Behaviour was improved yesterday although there was still a tantrum about something or other - doing the drying up I think.

We bought some fans yesterday as ours had broken and its really important to keep Charlie as cool as possible atm. Seems to have worked - his skin wasn't red at all this morning.

Been a longggg time...

....but thought it was about time I re-entered the blog ring. So much has happened since I last blogged, both in personal and work lives that I just didn't have the time to blog and coupled with the fact that Charlie refused to even pick a pencil except to draw for almost two months - made keeping a home ed blog seem rather pointless. Couldn't stand the thought of boring everyone silly!

Anyway, by way of partial catch up - Bev has moved in since my last blog post and all is going swimmingly there. Charlie's general behaviour and attitude to life basically sucks and no amount of Ap'ing, reading and implenting Smart Love, TCS or for that matter threatening him with school is helping. I am being driven slowly mad. He is rude, cheeky, abusive, obnoxious when he doesn't get his own way and just down right horrid to be around most days. He is behaving in a typical toddler way but worse - a way he never did when he actually was a toddler! Some bright spark mentioned that the 9 year change actually starts at 7 and can be quite traumatic - if this is it and its going to last until he's 9 - well makes me want to scream!

Work has been mad - meaning we've missed every home ed outing and group for the last 3 months nearly - that is never good. But it may be calming down a bit now.

On the good side tomorrow I start my second IVF cycle, again egg sharing but also with ICSI this time. I am so praying that I end up with at least one embryo to put back this time - I can handle not getting pregnant but I don't think I can handle not even getting a chance again.

I will post more later - with some photos too no doubt.

Hahahaha!

Paul got fired! Woooohoooooo. Sense has been seen at last!

Photos from last weeks Home Ed Westonbirt trip!

The education team were quite good on this trip - better than when Charlie and I did the school trip 2 years ago! It was all about how art is in nature and how to use nature to make art.

Charlie and Euan were practically inseperable which was lovely seeing as its been a month since they saw each other. Watching two seven year old boys holding hands all day was just lovely. The ed team commented that the home ed children were so different from the school children in that they worked as a team beautifully and were so co-operative!

Fab day and I don't think that Bev was too scared by her first experience of the whole home ed thing - although she did raise her eyebrows at the lady not wearing any shoes!

Finished product - a hedgehogs home and its garden!

Errr co-operation?

Making a picture

Its a tree

Close your eyes Charlie

Playing at being cameras

Charlie and Bev

Surreal conversation

Me - Charlie, Charlie where are you?
Charlie - Upstairs
Me - What are you doing hun?
Charlie - Sitting
Me - Oh, are you playing with your playmobil?
Charlie - No, sitting
Me - Are you thinking?
Charlie - No, sitting.
Me - Oooo-kay!

Last Weeks Apprentice

Huh? Why was Miriam fired? Sir Alan is a plonker! Paul should SO have been fired - he's about as much use as contraception is in my house!

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes and general thoughts about my state of vomit inducing happiness! It has been a long time coming for me after a really appaling run of 5 years of personal-life-bad-luck but for now everything does seem to be looking up and this time it seems very different and special.

I was pleasantly surprised by Beverley taking a couple of days off and coming down unexpectedly on Tuesday. We had a wonderful two days together and she went home after dinner last night. Still can't wait to see her tomorrow night though as she is coming down for the weekend as planned.

There has still not been much home ed going on - Charlie definitely seems to be unschooling himself and I am happy to go with the flow with that for now. Yesterday after our home ed trip to Westonbirt Arboretum he even came home and made a collage with Beverley - which was something at least!

Work is incredibly busy still and I will make an effort to blog later tonight with more about yesterdays trip and some photos!

Almost 30

Yikes I really need to blog more! No education has been done all week which is rather shocking but the main reason (apart from the love sickness) is because I've had soooo much work.

Another fantastic weekend with the new woman in my life - we went to the Mall and did some diamond ring window shopping and then as requested I took her to the BMW garage.....!!!

OMG - last few hours of being 29 - the big 30 tomorrow - scary stuff!

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

I was actually singing and dancing around my parents kitchen island thingy yesterday afternoon.

This is not good.

My hard image is really suffering now......can't work, can't sleep, can't eat, feel sick, feel 18 again - not good when you are about to turn 30......sigh

Well, yesterday was just lovely if not cold!

We made it to Taunton exactly on time to meet B, and promptly decided that there was nothing for Charlie to do there particularly so went back up the M5 to WSM (rolls eyes) so that we could go to the Sea Life Centre.

Gosh was it freezing walking from the beach car park to the centre - wow the wind was whipping. Charlie ran along the beach happy as a pig in muck whilst B and I walked along the front hand in hand.

Sea Life Centre was ok, we've been there before but its a lot of money for such a small one that takes only 15 minutes to get round. It was empty too which was fab, no bustling with the crowds to see the tanks. The coffee shop on the other hand was full. Had a hot chocolate whilst Charlie pretended to be short enough to go in the little soft play zone and then decided to come home.

We all watched Finding Nemo on DVD and then I cooked dinner assisted by B and Charlie.

Once Charlie was in bed (very late - and his own bed for the first time in about a year) B and I had dessert - say no more.

Lovely evening spent not quite watching whatever was on Sky Movies and another late night. Woke up very content and now playing that hideous waiting game where you're not quite sure where things will go next!

Woohooo - I've got a hot date

Yes, I know it's totally OT and nothing to do with home education but I have a date tomorrow and I am really, really,really excited!

Will blog on Sunday with home ed catch up and possibly some details.

After finishing my work today I did a mercy dash to a friend about an hour away(thats her gorgeous daughter in the pic below). She had a raging headache, no painkillers and two of the girls had been up in the middle of the night. Bless her.

Once said painkillers were ingested, we had a lovely afternoon playing. The 6 year old was continually trying to kiss Charlie on the lips - chasing him around the house to pin him down - it was very amusing. Charlie was clearly confused after pledging his allegiance last weekend to Fran! They spent a lot of time under the cabin bed whispering secrets and not letting the other 3 join in!

I bribed the two eldest with some extra pocket money for our trip to London on Monday, into tidying the sitting room for their mum as there was about 10 video shops worth of videos strewn on the floor by the two younger ones.

There was much begging to come and stay at my house (again) but it was eventually decided that as I can only get 2 extra children in my car (front air bags) that we would wait until we know when their father is next having them and then arrange for everyone including mum to come and stay. Charlie and I are staying at their house on Sunday and Monday night so that appeased for now.

Now sitting thinking about a 2 hour train ride with 5 children on Monday. Charlie will be no bother he loves trains, the 2 and 4 year olds might be interesting and the 6 and 10 year olds should know better! Just printing out loads of colouring pages, word searches and crosswords for them each to do.

Finding it hard to find good stuff for the 2 and 4 year olds as they can't read or do puzzle type sheets - any site suggestions welcome in the comment box.

I'm working, he's reading - jobs a good 'un.

A river of give

Not much has gone on today education wise. Charlie watched a heap of Discovery Kids this morning so I guess that counts - was very interesting most of it. A load of history (Egyptians) nature and science too. He has spent the remainder of the day reading The Wishing Chair - oh how I loved those stories as a child and am thrilled he does too.

I've commenced the huge operation that is tidying the sitting and dining rooms and am currently contemplating actually doing some work this week as I have a box of files demanding my attention. Nick - no telling the boss!

Raj should so have been fired! Star struck muppet.

An ocean of take

Today has been an interesting day for various reasons not related to home ed.

In home ed land, Charlie has done Sonlight and is still really enjoying Charlottes Web - even though its very easy for him, doesn't seem to bother him too much. He also coloured in a print out of a hawaiian lady to tie in with the clothing around the world topic.

He's also done a load of Easter activity/colouring sheets that I printed out before Easter but he didn't get a chance to do owing to illness and general busyness. There was a couple of colouring sheets, a word search and a crossword.

He's currently powering through several pages of Miquon maths - we are both still loving this scheme.

On a more personal note, I am getting sick to death of people taking advantage - I need to be meaner!

Enjoying the swing at Center Parcs

Charlie and grandad

Butterfly house Longleat

Center Parcs/General Catch Up

Photobucket is now playing up since managing to blog the last three pics - arrgggh - I do love the new straight to blog features on it though - very handy indeed.

The pic of Charlie on the slide is from Longleat Safari Park - they really do have the best playground I have ever seen. Been there twice with Charlie now over the years and he absolutely loves it.

Anyway, he was sufficiently recovered enough on Friday for us to zoom off to Center Parcs at Longleat - no signs of a temperature - just a bit full of cold. Journey was pain free as always - he is so good in the car - just sits and looks out the window and sucks his thumb. My parents left slightly before us and there was an irritating 15 minutes where I needed to top up my mobile phone in the CP car park whilst trying to find them.

Villa was lovely - we had a 3 bed executive two storey job - all the bedrooms had en suites and mine was much nicer than my bathroom at home. We also had an outside sauna and outisde shower which Charlie enjoyed running under fully clothed

Charlie and I sampled the pools and rapids on Friday - he managed ok on the rapids but the last part as you go inside again was rather dangerous I felt. Even I was forced under water and it was quite hard to fight the current there - ensuing panic as Charlie had gone down before me and I couldn't see him. We did the rapids twice and I decided that was enough for him. The outdoor pool was gloriously hot and lovely.

We ate in the indian restaurant on the first night and the food was amazing, even my parents were impressed and relieved as my mother especially was dreading the food I believe. It was the most exquisite vegetable korma I have ever tasted. Charlie had the pear sorbet for pudding and that was out of this world. I like that restaurant, it is reason alone to return to CP.

On Saturday morning I woke at 4am dying of pain in my ears, throat, chest, arms and legs - oh yes the flu had arrived!

We spent the day at Longleat Safari park which was most pleasant and after we got back Charlie and I went down to the Sports centre and I spent a small fortune in the shop there including an amusing t"shirt with a surf boarding - banana eating Chimp on the back for my chimp.

Sunday was a chill out day for us, although Charlie and my father went off on a guided nature walk which they seemed to enjoy. We did the fondue evening at the pancake house which was amusing.

We left at 9.30 on Monday morning and made it home 50 minutes later which was good going.

I am still full of cold and feeling really rough. My colds always last a minimum of 2 weeks, which isn't much fun at all.

Seriously cute

Charlie with Zosia (2)

An even bigger monkey house today!

We've just got back from a fab day in Cheltenham with our non-home ed friend and her four gorgeous daughters. Charlie had a wonderful time being mother hen and woke up this morning totally over the temperature despite burning up all night. He's full of cold though bless him.

I had a whale of a time changing the youngest cloth naps - she had just got two lovely fuzzi bunzs - lilac and turqoise. Charlie joined in changing her nappy too as he was desperate to change a cloth nap lol.

Going to do some packing now and get an early night for a change as we are off to Centre Parcs for the weekend - so excited.

The blog ring lurgy has finally reached Gloucestershire! Charlie had a high temp earlier and had such aching hand he cried when he picked up his beloved cuddly whale. Poor lamb. Sent him back to bed for a few hours, he laid there rather pathetically and a dose of calpol and nurofen and 4 hours later, he seems fine. Still snotty but temp back to normal and achey hands disappeared.

Currently spotted doing the drying up and helping to prepare tonights roast chicken dinner.

I really hope he stays well enough to a) go to our friends tomorrow and b)enjoy centre parcs on Friday!

Forgot to say that Charlie decided to keep a blog last yesterday. It's in the links bar as "Seagull" if anyone is interested.

Last night we did Sonlight catch up as we neglected it on Friday. Had a row about the writing he did which culminated in my erasing it all as it was nothing whatsoever to do with the subject matter!

This morning under threat of murder and against a timer has cheerfully re-done it plus the next part of writing and is now desperately trying to avoid writing about food around the world. He will finish it. ATM he is trying to walk around whilst writing - that is so not going to happen.

Miquon maths went down a storm again last night - he *really enjoys* this and it is still a surprise to me.

Had another quick look at Exeter maths last night after a link in someone's blog, but having looked through the rest of Miquon Orange and Red - they actually stretch further. A bonus is there is no reading for the little ones, not that that is a problem for Charlie, but still useful to know.

Need to work on:

Capital letters after full stops
Handwriting without strops! (considering Getty Dubay atm)
Times tables

Hello bubbles

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming

Hehe - which one's mine?

Charlie on Saturday

Quite proud of this one

Poncy penguin shot at Bristol Zoo on Saturday

Charlie in Wildwalk at @Bristol

Charlie with the horse at the bottom of our garden

All this talk of country music

Must be rubbing off on Charlie. He has incessantly been listening to the rather fabulous Faith Hill cd for days now and insisted on having it on whilst we started Sonlight this afternoon. He likes it because it's "relaxing" apparently. Actually she's a bit more of a pop/country infusion which leads to it not sounding like country at all, but I love her music.

Monday was the @Bristol trip, I will gloss over the nasty bits at the beginning and just say that it was fab to see the couple of people I know already from South Glos HE again and really lovely to meet Alison,Merry and Joanna. Josie and Isabelle are both gorgeous, lovely babies and Charlie really enjoyed playing with the older ones. Alison - I am still shocked that he gave into T's authority! Such a sucker for the girls obviously.

I worked exceptionally hard yesterday and no education was undertaken, unless you can count trying to explain an issue estoppel? Always good to start his legal education early I suppose.

Just after lunch a rather large box from Sonlight arrived - so we now have the complete Core 1. Charlie was extremely excited, and after I spent 20 minutes or so filing all the schedules/papers in the IG binder and sorting the books out, we were ready to go.

We started with reading the first two pages of Usbornes Peoples of the World (grrr at the american use of the word Peoples) I got Charlie to write 3 sentences about what we'd read and he decided to choose Kenya as his country collection. I printed out some maps and flag sheets from the Enchanted Learning members site.

He then read the first 7 poems in the reader out loud to me, chose his favorite, wrote a sentence about it and drew a dog using DWN as his chosen poem was "My Dog"

Then we moved onto Charlottes Web which I've never read. I read one chapter to him and he read the second to me. He answered the comprehension and natural studies questions easily and already knew that untimely meant too soon - so that was the vocabulary covered and he can spell it too.

We then went off to my parents to pick up more work - groan. After dinner Charlie decided to start the Miquon maths. All I can say is wow. I was a tad confused initially about how to use it all but the workbooks are so flexible I love them. Basically each page in the workbook has about 3 or 4 different ways you can complete it, hard to explain but exceptionally useful. Its like getting 3 pages for the price of 1 each time. He used the cusinaire rods for the second two pages, and I can't believe he has memorised the values of each rod already - woohoo. He begged to do 3 pages and would have done more if I hadn't stopped him.

I found another maths curriculum which I think looks pretty good - and good value too. Its called Math U See and seems really good. I may consider getting this as well as the rod type systems seem to go down very well with Charlie.

Stupid blogger!

It won't let me leave comments on any of the blogs that I want to - grrrr

So a communal awwww and hugs coupled with good wishes for everyone that has poorly little ones - which ermmm, seems to be 80% of the blog ring!

Need to do a bit of a catch up now!

Mothers day was fab and apparently my 7 year old has a credit card.
Well I'm assuming thats how he ordered my flowers that arrived on Sunday(now I know what he was plotting with my parents when they threw me out of their office last week lol)

Ds is so cute. On Saturday night I was ordered (!) to set the alarm for 8 as we both usually sleep until 11am ish, as he had lots to do apparently! He spent Saturday writing plans and putting out clothes and banning me from his bedroom.

Anyway, alarm went off and he jumped out of bed ordering me to keep my eyes closed. He ran into his room, got dressed and then went downstairs. 5 minutes later he came up the stairs telling me to keep my eyes closed still.

Then he arrived in the room, told me to open my eyes lol Bless him. He had dressed in his suit and tie and had a tray with croissants and OJ on. He said he wanted to look handsome for me on my special day.He'd even tried to tie his tie - so cute. Apparently he was my servant for the day. So we had a lovely breakfast in bed and he'd made me such a cute card with " to a special mother" written on the front, the writing was so neat!

The flowers were beautiful too and apparently it was all his idea. So all in all a good day and he spent much of it tutting in disgust at the reports of various useless good for nothing hubbies not bothering on HB!

On Monday, my first parcel from Sonlight arrived. I am very, very impressed. I love the schedules in the IG, really fab, and you truly can dip in and out and not actually follow them rigidly. It really is as flexible as it claims to be and so easy to leave out all the religious stuff without it affecting anything. I am totally impressed and Charlie is over the moon - he really likes the History Spines and went doolally over the cuisenaire rods.

The rest of Monday and Tuesday were spent with mad working by me oh and new shoes for Charlie (again!)

Today Charlie has done a couple of pages in his maths workbook - helped by the rods. I also printed out some worksheets on roman numerals from abcteach.com as recommended by someone on the Sonlight forums. He really enjoyed this despite there being some rather clever maths sums on there too!

He's being doing yet more "birding" today - I am getting more and more concerned about breeding a bird watcher - it's just not cool!!

My parents got back from the Scilly Isles yesterday and we went and collected my work from them tonight. The Centre Parcs stuff came and my mind boggled at how much you can pre-book! All we've decided so far is to eat at the Indian on the first night, Charlie and my dad will do the 2 hour guided nature walk on the Sunday and mother and I will go get pampered

I've been pondering whether to start a seperate IVF blog rather than keep it in with this one. Especially after being verbally abused by a lovely comment leaver about being single, gay AND daring to want another baby. Well you know what Mr Whoever? It's been proven in several huge research studies that gay mums tend to do a much better job than hettie mums - so go stick that up your pipe and smoke it. (No offence to any of you lovely MP'ers!) You know what else? At least a child born to a gay mum isn't likely to be unwanted ever, because getting pregnant accidentally is bloody impossible! As for the comment about wasting NHS resources on my IVF treatment, for your information I am paying privately and NEED the IVF as I have serious fertility issues too. As if anyone would choose to inject themselves and suffer the side effects if it wasn't totally necessary.

Grrrrrrrrr

Anyway, to catch up with home ed stuff, we had home ed group on Wednesday which was fabulous. I am really loving this group and am quite nervous about the first meeting of the other group in a couple of weeks, because I can see that it isn't going to have the same vibe due to the person organising it.

The children played beautifully again, there were 6 families there this month, with one that I hadn't met before which was lovely. Charlie played really nicely with the younger ones again and was overjoyed to see baby J again. When the big ones started running round the tables at the end, he galiantly ran over, picked him up and carried him to his mum, as J was sat in their path and can only crawl or cruise with a hand held. Such a mother hen my little man.

Someone had bough Tip for the children to make things with, and all the children from the 3 year olds, right up to the 12 year olds, gathered round the table and made models with it. They were all helping each other too and it was so nice to see. Kept them involved for a good 45 minutes, and as always with these types of things, Charlie was still doing it when we were tidying up.

Some point this week maths and English were done, and a DWN picture too.He's done lots of drawing and reading and has finished "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" and "The Magicians Nephew" this week. He also shut himself in his playroom for about 2 hours on Thursday to make my mothers day card. I was forbidden to enter.

He has also informed me that he has plans for me tomorrow (a 7 year old???) I am getting breakfast in bed, and he has laid the tray out tonight with plates and cups. He also has other plans he says, and I'm not allowed in his bedroom! He says he is wearing special clothes and has got them ready.

In the car on the way to the supermarket this afternoon he asked if I could lend him some money so he could take me out for lunch tomorrow. After I finished pmsl, I gently told him that all the places would be booked up and it would be better if we spent the time together. He's so unbearably sweet sometimes.

Woohooo - salary arrived this morning so we've finally been able to book our Disney World holiday - yeehhaaaa. 250 days to go until we go to Florida.

Charlies' new passport arrived this morning too. He now has my surname as I changed it by deed poll last year and now his new passport has been amended too and he is over the moon. He hated having his dads name, and we never used it anyway, but this makes it more offical and means that long gone are the days where I get treated as a child abducter at the airport!

He's so excited over both things, I think he is going to explode!

Totally whinging,pathetic, self-pitying session is now over. Many thanks for the support.

Normal service to be resumed from hereon in.

Thought I'd better blog today as I haven't been around much anywhere on the web.

Charlie has been doing really well with his maths. The lower level workbook is working a treat and he is doing a couple of pages a day quite happily. He's finished his science and english workbooks too. He's reading The Magicians Nephew at the moment and building some kind of village out of boxes.

I had a friend from HB call me today because she hadn't seen me on HB for ages and I haven't signed into MSN since a couple of days before my egg collection - weeks ago. It was really sweet of her to call and we had a good chat but it just made me realise how sodding lonely and pathetic I feel right now. I couldn't really even talk to her about how I'm feeling, because I'm the listener and I'm the coper and I don't moan - I just pick myself up and get on with it.

I know part of this is still the hormones working their way out of my system and making me feel like crap. You can't take a lorry load full of 4 different types of hormones for 9 weeks without it taking it out of you a bit I guess.

I'm feeling really ranty too. I'm so bloody sick of seeing people treat their children like shit - don't they realise that children deserve respect, that they are people too? If I'm not seeing it in shops, I am reading about it in my work or reading it on crappy parenting web sites. It was always the one thing I hated about nannying, watching some other nannies and parents dis-respect their children constantly and having to make sodding polite small talk with them. Grrrrr

I'm so damn sick of waiting. All I have done for the last six bloody years is wait to have another baby. First of all I had to wait for the divorce to be finalised, then I had to wait as my girlfriend didn't want kids, then I had to wait because the next wasn't sure. Then I finally got to start trying and nothing happened. Then more waiting for test results, change of clinic, blah blah and then 2 positives and 2 early miscarriages. Then cue another year of waiting.

Then at last I get a real chance in having IVF and my sodding eggs don't fertilise. Don't get me wrong I am so pleased for the lady I donated too - she got pregnant after 5 years of waiitng too but when the hell is it going to be my turn?

As a single gay woman I had to jump through hoops that heterosexual women don't at the clinics. Unlike an infertile heterosexual I can't just BD, even if the chance is low. I have to wait for the clinic each and every time. It's not like I even have a choice.

Jesus, that all sounds so self-pitying and pious, it's not supposed to be. I don't begrudge anyone their children - well except maybe child abusers, and I know I should be grateful for Charlie, and I am. I adore him, he is my little miracle but I can't stop the longing for more children, it consumes me totally.

In fact right now I am sick of everything. I am sick of being alone, with no-one to cuddle, sick of not having any "real-life" friends here, sick of working, sick of living alone - I really hate it, sick of feeling crap and most of all sick of not being pregnant.

Don't mess with me

Yet another catch up post as I've not been feeling too fab this week.

Tuesday

A good day. Charlie did some maths and science in the morning, and then he went off for his short tennis activity at the leisure centre. He really enjoyed this but he and I both noticed that the instructor "had it in for him". I was really taken back by this as everyone normally takes to him straight away, especially adults and neither of us have experienced this before! I am utterly convinced it was to do with his hair cut.....! He made a fab coat of arms/shield as well.

Wednesday

Hmmm....he's sat down to do some maths and after about 5 minutes I hear "Mummy I'm too tired" Right said I, so off to bed you go (he'd only been up for 30 minutes) if you're too tired for maths, you must need a sleep. Surprisingly he went straight upstairs without a fuss, lay on my bed for 20 minutes, came downstairs and announced he felt much better after that rest. Ten minutes later, after a few sums had been done, the same thing was repeated. Moral of the story is here, don't bluff me to get out of doing maths - it isn't going to work! He did some English too. He spent most of the afternoon reading the childrens guide to Disney world I bought him for Christmas, and chattering away excitedly about what we're going to see and do in November.

Thursday

Charlie made granny a birthday card and did a beautiful butterfly from DWN. His writing was lovely and neat too, he was really pleased. We whizzed off to Cirencester to buy my mums present and whilst we were in Smiths, he raised his voice at me and after the second time and a warning I put back his Horrible Science magazine. Bizarrely a young ish woman came up to me and said "well done" and patted my arm. I was most bemused.

We've just had lunch and he's doing some maths now and then has proclaimed he is going to play in the garden because mummy has no imagination!

I hate Maths, I hate Maths

That's me not Charlie. At the weekend Charlie received a very belated christmas present from his fathers' godmother. Belated only because his father (I hate calling him that - he's so not worthy of the title) had negated to forward it any sooner. Anyway, it was a rather generous book token, which is a fabulous present for Charlie obviously. On Saturday we went into Cirencester to Ottakars to spend it, and as well as various novels and sticker books, Charlie chose two maths workbooks with it.

I purposefully led him towards dropping down a level to the 5-6 year old books, and today he started the first one. Now I don't know what it is with the people that write these books, but the stuff in it is definitely year 2 maths, so god knows why it was labelled as it was. Anyway, it is considerably easier than the CGP book, and he happily and easily did 8 pages of it this morning. Success!

I spent most of yesterday thinking about treatment dates and trying to work out when to take our much planned 3 week Walt Disney World trip. After discussion with Charlie, looking at my savings spreadsheet and considering what would happen if I do manage to be lucky enough to get pregnant in July, we came to a decision between us!

We have decided that whether or not I get pg in July we will take a 10 day trip to the States to do Disney World in November and then we will do a 3 week trip once we have a sibling for Charlie, so hopefully January 2007. If I do get pregnant in July then I will only be 18/19 weeks by the time our planned November trip comes around, and the weather in Florida will be a pleasant 70-80 degrees so pretty perfect and I won't be too big either. If I'm not pregnant then it will just be a really nice trip anyway. We haven't been abroad since we went to Disney World for christmas 2003 - so we are both looking forward to it.

I am very excited about all the potential shopping, both for me, Charlie and maybe some baby shopping too. I love the stuff you can get over there, far more variety than here, invariably better quality and always better prices! It will be perfect for picking up some christmas presents too. I know I will be heading to the Ralph Lauren shop at the Premium outlets for presents for my parents!

Clinic,Dinosaurs and Earthquakes

Thursday

We pootled off to the clinic on the train yesterday, I am so sick of sitting on London bound trains now! We arrived slightly early so went for a stroll down the Kings Road and came across a film crew - clearly something to do with the Camilla/Charles announcement zzzzzzzzzz. The female reporter was rowing quite loudly with the cameraman about the background to their "piece" lol

The doctor said that she was recommending ICSI as a way forward for me coupled with the egg share IVF. I was slightly dismayed as this means quite a huge expense, but it will be worth it. This has delayed my next try to July though as it will take that long to save up. I'm a bit miffed by this as I've been waiting 6 long years already but hey.

After leaving the clinic we went to the Natural History Museum to finish off our visit from about 3 years ago. Charlie enjoyed the earthquake simulator although he was really nervous before we got on it - bless. The thing I noticed about the museum is that its so damn "wordy" - I just could not be arsed to read all the millions of notes everywhere that were so long winded too. Charlie bought a whale and shark sticker book in the shop with a 99p donation from me to add to his pocket money and played happily with it on the train home.

Friday

This morning Charlie did some more of his roman project, choosing mosaics this time. He also did some English workbook too and I found a clear description of how to make a lap book, showed it to Charlie and he really fancies the idea, so we'll be off to Hobby Craft at some point for the card.

I won two Horrible Histories on eBay the other day and Charlie has started the Groovy Greeks now , he's been reading that this afternoon whilst I worked.

We've got a really busy next week, he has 3 half term sports activities at the leisure centre and also the home ed group has arranged an Illustrator workshop with a childrens illustrator. There's only Wednesday when we haven't got anything arranged which is unusual for us.

Tuesday

I deliberately left out Maths yesterday and Charlie chose to do English and Science workbooks. He really loves the Science ones and did about 10 pages without my even noticing!

He also did some more of his roman project, and chose coins from our previously drawn spider diagram.

I sent him out to play in the back garden and to re-fill the bird feeders, although one has mysteriously disappeared. We noticed last week that it was being knocked down from the tree every day by a mystery culprit and has now totally disappeared from the garden! Freaky animals must frequent our part of the woods.

Charlie was overjoyed when the little boy from next door, who is the same age, came out to play and I could hear them laughing and playing for ages which was lovely as he hasn't seen him for ages.

Wednesday

Again today maths was left out of the equation and Charlie did science and English work books, several pages in each. He also finished off the coin section of his roman project by writing about the various coins and which he liked best - an "as" apparently.

He's also done another Draw Write Now lesson and asked me to choose which one. So a penguin it was - and its rather good although the writing leaves a lot to be desired.

This morning he also wrote a letter back to my youngest cousin this morning after she wrote to him last week.

At the moment he is in the garden waiting for his friend from next door and is doing what he claims is "weeding" although in reality it is just an extension of the adult sized hole the two of them dug last summer in the bed!