The Monkey House

It's all over. Period started last night and has turned to very heavy loss today. I'm gutted and destroyed to not reach testing date - my period never comes early! Charlie has trashed his room - he is distraught too. Clinic still want me to test a week today as say a small chance, but when it's over you just know it.

Day 8 of the 2ww.

The 2 week wait sucks. OHSS sucks. Infertility totally sucks. Arrgghhhh I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until either test day comes or my period does.

Been having very low down painful dragging pains since about 3.30pm.Totally sunk into a negative state of mind. Completely convinced that this hasn't worked - AGAIN.

6 damn years of trying and waiting - 6 years worth of IUI's and IVF.

Friend with 8 children has just found out she is having her ninth. I am happy for her, I truly am as she has been trying for 2 years for this one and was devastated when it looked like she might need treatment and the clinic told her it was unlikely to work due to age.

I just want to know when it will be my turn.

There was a bit of an incident at 2am on Friday morning involving copious amounts of pain and 2 ambulance rides to 2 different hospitals. I've got a bit of OHSS and was admitted for most of Friday. After having a scan and blood tests they let me home with strict instructions to drink loads and rest loads. Not pleasant but feeling much better today. Nausea and breathlessness have gone for now.

I did a test this morning to check that the HcG in my trigger injection has left my body now which it has - so that means any positives from now on are just that. I *might* test on Friday as I prefer to test daily from day 10/11 as I find it helps me not to have the big build up to one test day.

Thanks for all the good wishes everyone - much appreciated.

We're back from embryo transfer now and I have to say that it was all pretty exciting.

All 5 embryos were grade 1 between 6-8 cells.

We had two grade 1 embryos replaced - both were 8 cells although one was already racing ahead to become a morula.

The clinic said that they were absolutely excellent embryos so here's hoping my body can hang onto them this time and not let me down.

I am testing on the 29th!

Charlie absolutely loved seeing the embryos on the screen before they were put inside me and so did I. Its such an amazing privilege to see your future babies at 3 days post conception.

Laugh or cry?

I wasn't sure which to do after todays call from the clinic!

Egg collection was fine yesterday. 15 eggs collected, 8 for me and 7 for the recipient.

6 of my share were mature enough to be ICSI'd and this morning the clinic called and said that I have 5 top grade embryos. I really didn't know whether to cry with relief or laugh with relief after having no fertilisation last time.

As there are no clear leaders, embryo transfer will either be Thursday or Saturday in which case it will be a 5 day blastocyst transfer. I find out at 8.15 on Thursday morning which day it will be - at which point if I have to go in it will be a mad rush to the train station to catch the train!

I'm just praying now that at least 2 survive until transfer day - whenever that is.

I am incredibly bloated and in much pain - walking is particularly painful as is laughing! But its *so* worth it.

Off to lie down again now...

London bound AGAIN

Scan went well on Friday - 11 huge follicles between 16-21mm including 2 @ 20mm and 4 smaller ones between 12-16mm - so all should be mature by tomorrow morning. My oestradiol was 8532 which is better than at the same stage in the last cycle and up from Wednesdays reading - so here's hoping. Apparently each egg produces 600 units.

The sonographer let Charlie measure some of the follicles but luckily didn't let him loose on the dildo cam itself!

After doing my trigger injection last night at 9pm I have enjoyed a totally drug free day today and a lie-in. No more evil sniffs - and we'll just gloss over the thought of the dreaded botty bombs due to start on Tuesday - I'm in denial

Have to be at the hospital at 7.30am tomorrow so we're off to stay in a London hotel tonight - be leaving just before 6.

Thanks for all the good wishes - I'm trying to send positive vibes to the couple I am donating eggs to too - here's hoping that her share fertilise nicely tomorrow.

Quick note for Alison if she's reading - every time the train passes through Reading Charlie waves at you all and says that's where those home edders we met at @Bristol live

Hard boiled or scrambled?

Another we're just off to London post again.....very important scan and more blood sucking today - this is the big one folks - time to see if all those "eggs" are cooked enough to be collected to be collected on Monday.

B is staying at home today as my work needs to be collected by the courier so its just Charlie and I braving the streets of London - and the tube again. He was still not happy about going on the tube on Wednesday and I am sure today will be the same - he is convinced that we are going to die on it.

Quick update

Scan yesterday was good - 13 good sized follicles seen so about the same number as in the last cycle. Had blood taken too. Back again to clinic tomorrow and another scan and more blood taken. Looking like last injections on Saturday night and egg collection on Monday.

Charlie zoomed through his Sonlight this morning and postively whizzed through his Miquon too. Despite proclaiming that he hates maths he has really grasped the multiplication sums and I never, ever thought I'd say that, but he has and I'm astounded. He totally *gets* that 3x3 is the same as 3+3+3 and it really excites him that he *gets* it too!

We're just leaving to catch the train to London for my lunchtime scan appointment.

Fingers crossed I am responding to the drugs ok and there are lots and lots of lovely follicles.

Only lunchtime yet

All "normals" done already! Charlie started his Sonlight with History as usual and we did the extension of SOTW as well along with the suggested activities. So he's learned all about Mesopotaemia, Nomads, first settlers, coloured in the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, Egypt, Nubia and all the surrounding seas too and a picture of a farmer using a Shaduf.

Readers and read alouds were next followed by Science where he learnt about how water gets into homes. He did the Sonlight Science activity sheets and cut out and stuck down little picture showing each stage. He really enjoyed this too.

He has just breezed through 2 pages in his Miquon book and loved it! He was actually jumping up and down in excitement when he realised that he could work out the times questions for himself. Big smiles all round as he worked out different ways of calculating 4x5. Very sucessful indeed.

Busy day

Just realised that I hadn't blogged last night as intended.

No lie-in this morning for me so up at 10.00am because expecting the DHL man to collect my work that my parents have moved to Oxfordshire and therefore nearer the head office (where's the banana dance icon??)

Quiet-ish morning spent not doing much whilst waiting for him to arrive. I caught up with my e-mails, doing the bank rec, message boards and podcasts and spent some time surfing FF.

Did my injection mid-morning and again it was another painful one.

Charlie spent the morning playing outside and reading and then just as we sat down to lunch at 1.00pm the DHL man arrived - impeccable timing as always.

After shovelling the lunch down our throats we rushed off into town to go to the greengrocers and supermarket for the weeks shopping. Then onto the bank to pay a bill and get £10 worth of change ready for the car park machine and tube fares tomorrow. I don't "do" cash and pay for everything with my debit card where possible so consequently never have any change!

Then onto the recycling centre to get rid of the latest lot of plastics and cardboard and finally home.

Spent an hour or so checking up on likely train fares for the remainder of my clinic visits and decided that I should book a hotel in London for Sunday night assuming that my egg collection will be on Monday. It is August and it is London after all so thought that booking whilst a room is available was wise and I can always cancel it if the scans and blood tests show I won't be ready by Monday.

After dinner Charlie watched some more Discovery Kids whilst Bev and I painted the spare room. Only took 1.5 hours so I was pretty impressed and it was the first time that Bev has ever painted! I was a bit worried about the colour as it looked very dark whilst going on but it has dried lighter and we both really like it.

We have no idea what colour curtains to get though - room is like a lavender colour if anyone has any ideas?

Outdoorsy day

Charlie woke incredibly early this morning - groan - so he asked to watch some tv whilst we went back to sleep. 3 hours of Discovery Kids later we decided to get up!

He mainly read this morning before lunch - he started yet another book today and has almost finished it already.

After lunch he played outside with next doors children and then Bev took him down to Joyces' Pool on his bike, through the fields at the back of the house. By all accounts he had a lovely time but got very frustrated that he couldn't cycle back up the hill on the way home as he found the field too steep. A tantrum ensued apparently.

He's been playing since he got back, sometime with Murray from next door and sometimes just cycling around the cul-de-sac. He's come inside now as he was thirsty and I think he is watching Animal Planet before dinner. We have a rather lovely low fat lasagne in the slow cooker and it smells gorgeous!

I've been stuck inside working all day and have finally finished which means I can take the day off tomorrow - yippee. My injection today was really painful - very sting-y.

Quiet day

We all had a lovely lie-in again today - although the alarm was set as usual to enable me to do my sniffs.

After breakfast we decided to go to Cirencester and mooched around the rather large Tesco Extra as we had been informed there was a 75% off sale on summer stuff. We had planned to get some cheapy reclining garden chairs but alas no sale!

We got the paint for the spare room though and some other bits and pieces and then went off to the Abbey grounds park. Charlie loved the playground there and was far bolder than he has ever been before. He climbed right to the top of one of those rope climbing structures which amazed me. We walked around the rest of the lake and through the top half of the grounds and into the town afterwards.

Game were having a sale on so I bought Charlie his last three presents in the form of 3 PS2 games. He has a very respectable haul of presents now and it has been interesting that this year has been one of the easiest to buy for. He isn't really into "toys" in the way most children are, so that does make it very hard to buy him stuff.

We walked back through the grounds to where the car was parked and I was feeling pretty exhausted by this time. The IVF drugs are *really* taking it out of me this time - I definitely didn't suffer in this way before. I blame being 30 rather than the 29 of 6 months ago when I did the first IVF cycle. I *don't* like being 30!

Another catch up post!

Despite my best intentions to get back on track with the blogging, the dental stuff has waylaid me slightly!

Charlie update - went to his "best home ed" friends house for a very enjoyable afternoon last week. They keep chickens and Charlie's face was a picture when he was told and even bigger smiles when he got to hold one - so wish I had my camera with me - pretty stupid to forget you have your V3 with you too! I put it down to nerves about the impending dental surgery the next day. Also spent a morning at a friends house with her four girls and it was lovely to catch up there too.

Charlie discovered Knex at his friends house which is fortunate as that is one of his already wrapped christmas presents.

The rest of last week passed in a bit of a blur and the down reg headaches didn't make things any easier!

We went to Bath last Saturday which was lovely although some crazy women grabbed me by the shoulders from behind and shoved me in the path of a pooing seagull. Luckily I was wearing my coat!

The Sonlight Science package arrived this week and it looks *fab*. Charlie is really into it, and did two days worth today as well as the rest of his Sonlight Core normals and even did 1.5 pages of Miquon without complaining.

He is still racing ahead with his reading - both Sonlight and his own. He read *2* Roald Dahl books last night in one hour! That makes 7 books this week alone.

Me update - dental pain has now ceased but large hole in gum is very annoying and a bit tender. My face is still swollen which is odd but the swelling under the eye has gone down a fair bit.

We went to London on Thursday for my first scan. Paddington station was crawling with police - at least 30 odd of them walking round in pairs - four with machine guns and two with police dogs. Charlie was absolutely terrified of going on the Underground and I thought we were going to have a meltdown and flat out refusal but we didn't. Despite his total fear he managed to control himself and apart from muttering to himself about "killer tube trains" and that we were all going to die and that he didn't trust me that we weren't going to, he did well.

The police officers let him stroke the alastians and introduced themselves and shook his hands which he thought was fab.

We had a lovely walk in the sunshine down Chelsea Bridge Road to the clinic. My scan was all fine and I started injecting on Thursday.

I *really* struggled mentally doing my first injection. It hit me that its not just me I am doing this for but the recipient of half of my eggs. It felt like such a huge responsibility that she *needs* my eggs to give her a shot at motherhood, and that it was down to me to make good quality eggs again. I don't know why this affected me so much this time but it did.