Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
We've had greater success this week with "work". He's done his normals and Sonlight and even did some amazingly neat writing in his scientists notebook. We're off to see a 3D film with film education tomorrow at the iMax in Bristol so looking forward to that.
I've had some of my blood test results back and my anti-cardiolipin antibodies are raised. I need another test in 5 weeks and if they come back raised too then it means I have Hughes Syndrome and will need asprin and heparin to sustain a pregnancy. The doc at the fertility clinic also said that I still need the NKC test but to leave it until January when I start taking the pill.
Been reading up on Hughes Syndrome and its pretty scary, but also explains a lot of stuff too.
I've had some of my blood test results back and my anti-cardiolipin antibodies are raised. I need another test in 5 weeks and if they come back raised too then it means I have Hughes Syndrome and will need asprin and heparin to sustain a pregnancy. The doc at the fertility clinic also said that I still need the NKC test but to leave it until January when I start taking the pill.
Been reading up on Hughes Syndrome and its pretty scary, but also explains a lot of stuff too.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
After a short (ish) tantrum Charlie is actually doing some maths right this minute. We're about 3/4 through Miquon orange not but having flicked through the next through pages I could see that they were going to be way too hard for him, so I got out a Dk maths workbook instead and he is happily (well ish) doing basic fractions and some addition too at the mo with Bev as I'm working as usual.
Sonlight normals next I guess plus SOTW.
Sonlight normals next I guess plus SOTW.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Just occured to me that yet again I am doing more waiting in this whole infertility/ttc'ing debacle.
This time I'm waiting for blood test results, which may or may not give a definite answer as to why I can't stay pregnant. It's bizarre to *want* a blood test to come back positive but I so do. Anyone of the 3 I had will do, and yet it's not a nice thought to think that your own body attacks and kills your tiny little embryos. But if I do get a positive result then at least I can get some drugs to try to help to fix it. Not like the endometriosis that has plagued my life for 19 years now - that can't be treated really and certainly can't be "cured" without a hysterctomy!
So one and a half weeks of waiting down two and a half to go before the results are in. If they're all negative then there's only one more to have and if that's negative it means I have unexplained infertility and *that* I can't deal with as it has no rhyme or reason or treatment.
As every month passes and Charlie gets closer and closer to being 8, I worry more and more about the large sibling age gap I will end up with if I get lucky. Not worried that Charlie will be bothered by a baby as he seems to want a baby more than I do most of the time, but worried that he won't really benefit from having a sibling in his childhood. They'll be too far apart to play together really in a way that's satisfying for Charlie and meets his desperate need for companionship.
I know that if I get lucky, I will try again almost immediately for a 3rd and maybe fourth and that worries me too as it would seem as Charlie will be left out as the younger ones will have each other.
Over the past 6 years, and particularly over the last 4, I've cried for him and his loneliness and longing for a sibling, felt so much guilt that I couldn't produce one for him yet, and guilt that as the age gap widens the benefits won't be there for him.
Today again he was saying how much he hates being an only child and how he wishes we had a baby and that was the only thing he wanted for "all of the christmases and all of the birthdays, I don't care about presents, I just want a brother or sister" and I just totally broke down which isn't really like me at all.
This time I'm waiting for blood test results, which may or may not give a definite answer as to why I can't stay pregnant. It's bizarre to *want* a blood test to come back positive but I so do. Anyone of the 3 I had will do, and yet it's not a nice thought to think that your own body attacks and kills your tiny little embryos. But if I do get a positive result then at least I can get some drugs to try to help to fix it. Not like the endometriosis that has plagued my life for 19 years now - that can't be treated really and certainly can't be "cured" without a hysterctomy!
So one and a half weeks of waiting down two and a half to go before the results are in. If they're all negative then there's only one more to have and if that's negative it means I have unexplained infertility and *that* I can't deal with as it has no rhyme or reason or treatment.
As every month passes and Charlie gets closer and closer to being 8, I worry more and more about the large sibling age gap I will end up with if I get lucky. Not worried that Charlie will be bothered by a baby as he seems to want a baby more than I do most of the time, but worried that he won't really benefit from having a sibling in his childhood. They'll be too far apart to play together really in a way that's satisfying for Charlie and meets his desperate need for companionship.
I know that if I get lucky, I will try again almost immediately for a 3rd and maybe fourth and that worries me too as it would seem as Charlie will be left out as the younger ones will have each other.
Over the past 6 years, and particularly over the last 4, I've cried for him and his loneliness and longing for a sibling, felt so much guilt that I couldn't produce one for him yet, and guilt that as the age gap widens the benefits won't be there for him.
Today again he was saying how much he hates being an only child and how he wishes we had a baby and that was the only thing he wanted for "all of the christmases and all of the birthdays, I don't care about presents, I just want a brother or sister" and I just totally broke down which isn't really like me at all.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Wishy Washy day
We're really struggling to get Charlie motivated into doing anything at the moment. Quite apart from this his behaviour is pretty appalling too - so much cheek and disrespect it is unreal.
I'm very disappointed that I just can't find anything going on home ed wise in the vacinity of where we are moving too - I just don't understand it. The town we are nearest to is the second largest in the county - there must be some HE'ers somewhere! I've still not had any reply from either of the EO/HE UK contacts for the county - its been at least 3 weeks now - so pretty pissed off.
I'm very disappointed that I just can't find anything going on home ed wise in the vacinity of where we are moving too - I just don't understand it. The town we are nearest to is the second largest in the county - there must be some HE'ers somewhere! I've still not had any reply from either of the EO/HE UK contacts for the county - its been at least 3 weeks now - so pretty pissed off.
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