Lovely weekend

Meant to post last night but decided to switch over to the new blogger beta so couldn't. Quite like it so far, it's always good to have a change and the page element stuff is pretty good.

On Friday, not content with starting my packing I also did all my Christmas present wrapping so am feeling very virtuous now.

Saturday started with very long lie-ins for everyone and then into town for lunch at our favourite cafe, really lovely freshly-made food there - yum. Then I bought our first lot of dollars in preparation for January, B went to the bank and I bought Charlie two Disney dvd's for Christmas to add to his collection. I chose this and this in the BOGOF offer on Disney DVD's at the moment.

Then off to Staples for some mundane business shopping consisting only of a clipboard and some AtoZ dividers.

Home for toasties and X Factor watching snuggled on the sofa.

Sunday was a big chill out day. Usual bacon sandwiches for breakfast and also lunch out again, followed by the weekly shop.

Then we came home and put on a dvd - Finding Nemo - whilst we all did HappyMais pictures. Charlie decided to do an "abstract model" with his - he did abstract art in his first week of art club and I think it appeals to his lazy side! Pictures to follow later as I need to change lenses on my camera first!

I also did the reading test with Charlie found on Joannas blog. This was quite interesting for me as the last time he was tested was at school as part of his IQ assessment by the ed pysch. He was 6 years 8 months and his reading age was about 11 years from memory. Yesterday his reading age came out as 13 years 9 months and he is 8 years 9 months. No big surprises there really as his reading has always been very good which is why I struggle to find things he will enjoy that aren't totally unsuitable! He is reading one of my favourite childhood books at the moment - Tales of the Greek Heroes by Roger Lancelyn Green and is loving it.

Amazing pics of Saturn, Titan and Mars

Saturn
Titan
Mars

Saturday & Sunday were a bit of a slob out time. Major lie-in for all of us on Saturday, followed by a trip to the post office to post orders, a trip to the bank to pay bills and pay in cheques and then a quick trip to Clintons so I could buy B's b'day card. Decided to get my parents anniversary card too and even got Charlie's birthday card for January!

Charlie made B a lovely card when we got home, played with fimo and we all went for a walk around the lakes.

We watched X Factor together and Charlie was totally outraged that the Unconventionals were sent home.

Sunday was B's birthday and a quiet one that I spent most of the afternoon working through - not good really.

Yesterday was just a wash out. Took hours to get Charlie to do his maths, nearly missed getting to the post office before they closed as I had a nightmare trying to wrap some parcels. Honestly, I'm falling apart here if I can't wrap a parcel without loosing my temper.

It was my first day back at work too, which was weird after seven weeks off. Not sure I'm really up to it actually but have no choice in the matter.

Andy from the marketing agency called me last night and asked if I'd do a live radio interview this morning about entrepeneur mums because of some press release Axa have put out. Never being one to turn down a bit of publicity I agreed and the producer called me later last night for a background chat and to give me an idea of what subjects we'll be talking about.

Seeing as its on at 11.30 I'd better go and do some prep - eekkk.

This week

Sunday began with an early wake up call and then we all set off to the BPA Baby & Child trade fair at the NEC. This was a really good trade show for us to attend, enough relevant companies to interest and a good chance to make final decisions on whether to stock certain new products. Also had a couple of so-called "meetings" set up where basically you have an arranged time to see a supplier and they "talk" you through the products. You know, just in case you can't work out how to make the toy squeak or something. Rolls eyes.

Charlie was fabulously behaved which impressed me, especially after the woman handing out the ticket lanyards warned him that if he was caught more than 2 cms from an adult he'd be removed by security and assumed a lost child!

Had some lunch there - ugh disgusting nowhere near the standard of the catering in the hall Premier Kids was in, went round the rest of the stands and then said goodbye to B as she was catching the train to Derby to stay with her friend for a couple of nights. After almost making it out of the NEC complex B called my mobile to say her friend had just cancelled on her, so I had to fight my way back and find her - not easy!

Home then and a quiet evening.

Monday Up early again and off to stay with Merry for the night. We had a wonderful time, Charlie was a bit ermm, mouthy, mainly due to tiredness but also I think due to being away from B.

Mistress of the evil emporium predictably made me spend money on fimo accessories and beads despite my protests. Actually she managed to take two lots of money from me, one lot for the fimo et al and then another because I'd run out of some stock and so bought some from her. She got business and personal funds out of me - now that's impressive.

Merry forced me to do some fimo despite my protestations that I just can't do arty stuff - she didn't believe me. She died laughing at my pig attempt and then cruely ripped apart my fish and demanded I started again!!

Dinner done and children in bed I found myself picking orders (and cocking them up!) and then surveying the piles of paperwork that was Merrys account stuff.

As Merry blogged, I rolled my eyes repeatedly at her excuses "I've got 4 kids", "I was pregnant", "I had a new baby" and other gems, none of that cut any ice with me though. Maybe I'm a bit harsh?! I put in 6 hours of sorting, stapling, writing and organising at went to bed at 3am, Merry having abadoned me at 2am because she was exhausted - lightweight! I really enjopy paperwork/account type stuff - don't know why. It was immensely satisfying.

Tuesday saw me up at an ungodly 7.45am. After the children all finished breakfast (which the abley got themselves) I organised them into getting dressed and then a dvd was put on whilst I did another two hours or so of Merry's accounts and finished! Poor Merry was exhausted because Josie had kept her up in the night so she had a lie-in whilst I happily kept an eye on the children, not that they needed much supervision, just an ear. Sorted out lunch for the children and had a lovely time playing with Ammi and looking at a book on Egypt with her. Whilst M was gone, I decided that Fran is definitely getting the same adult "'tude" as Charlie has which made me feel better. She even rolled her eyes at me once! She redemed herself by asking for a cuddle and snuggling up on the sofa with me though.

Charlie and Ammi make me laugh so much when they are together. Ammi likes to throw herself on him for cuddles and he always looks so shocked and proclaims that he doesn't know what she will do. Yet he always throws himself on B and I for cuddles and is Mr mega cuddly. I think he still has the mental scars from the marriage proposal on our first visit.

We set off in the afternoon after having a lovely time and Charlie really didn't want to leave and declared one night not enough. Got home in time for a lovely roast dinner cooked by B.

Wednesday & Thursday I don't remember much of - did some eBay stuff, set up an Amazon marketplace account for the biz and listed some stuff, wrapped lots of parcels and took them to the post office.

On Thursday I received the most beautiful bunch of flowers from Merry for helping with her accounts - such a lovely thought and they really made my day so thank you again Merry!

Today we went to West Midlands Safari Park and had a lovely time. It was so quiet so we were able to drive round and stop whenever and wherever we liked and I really got to try out my 70-300 zoom lens to the best of its ability. Got some shots I am really pleased with and some I am not - but that is mainly because the focus point was set wrong and also because I can't use the camera on manual settings with that lens as I shake too much as its heavy and long.

I absolutely love the white tigers and white lions.

Came back and packed some more orders and did some bits here and there and now I'm downloading photos from my camera and uploading them to flickr.

Charlie watched the Yoga Bugs dvd which arrived yesterday and he really likes it, so that's good.

Far too early to be up on a Sunday frankly but we're off to a trade fair at the NEC in a minute. Cunningly bought a mini wheeled suitcase yesterday to carry all the brochures and prices lists as we were just about the only buyers without one at the Harrogate fair in March! A lesson well learnt I think and B is looking forward to not being a donkey for the day.

After we're finished there B is off to Derby to visit her best friend so I get the whole bed to myself for two nights - exciting!

Will do an update later, maybe tonight or tomorrow.

Have you ever

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables - it just tastes better
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Lovely day today :)

Nice lie in this morning, woken only by Charlie coming in and telling us it was "9.30 and time to get up mummies" in such a happy voice. Bless.

So, breakfast and showers done we pottered around until lunch time, me - packing an eBay order that came through, Bev doing stuff downstairs and Charlie playing shops which meant I got a load of HappyMais dumped on my desk for money!

After lunch we set off into Banbury for a bit of shopping and then went Bowling which Charlie loves and we had promised him as a treat as we haven't been since we left Didmarton. Had dinner out and then came home and snuggled up on the sofa to watch X-Factor togther. Charlie was quite pleased about being allowed to watch the second program too.

Once that was over B and snuggled on sofa and watched The L Word - can't believe that next week is the last one of the this series - it's gone too fast and tonight's was a bit crap too. Pah.

Tomorrow is Banbury Canal Day which Charlie really wants to go to. As well as Falconry and horse rides his art club teacher is doing a load of workshops for kids which he is keen on.

Weekend was a bit hideous really as the miscarriage started on Saturday night and the cramps were *really* painful.

Before that we had been in Banbury in the afternoon and got a few bits and pieces we needed and it was nice to get out of the house and not feel sorry for myself!

We went for a walk around the lakes when we got back as well which was really nice and so we repeated that on Sunday afternoon and whilst Charlie was running on ahead we were able to make a few more plans for our Florida holiday in January.

Monday and Tuesday are a bit of a blur but I know that Charlie's behaviour got progessively worse until he had a big blow out and we then had a long chat about various things.

Consequently today was excellent. I woke up with a hideous migraine and couldn't move from the bed. He got up, breakfasted with B and then did his teeth and got dressed nice and easily with no yelling needed. He then went straight downstairs and got on with his maths. He came up to check up on me a few times and to ask whether he should just get on with his Sonlight. I checked he knew the correct week and then he got out the IG and just did it all.

He did day dream a fair bit - his own words - but he had finished by 12 and bought me a drink so I could take more tablets. He did really well with his maths which pleased me too.

After B came home and did lunch he did a non-verbal reasoning paper.

He spent most of the afternoon on the computer,yacht brokerage sites (!) google earth and neopets mainly.

My migraine still had disappeared but at 3pm I dragged myself out of bed and packed a couple of eBay orders after I had spent some time listing yesterday afternoon. Some jealous competitor had one of my listings ended as Sadie had unfortunately put a link to the website in the auction template and I hadn't noticed it! So I had to delete it from all the other listings - so labourious and then relisted the item. All this over 45p! Not funn with migraine.

I crawled back into bed at that point and B bought me dinner in bed as I felt so yeuck.

Charlie had art club and by the time he got back I was out of bed. They were going to be doing HappyMais this week but for some reason didn't. He came back with his inked flag, several pastel pictures and a couple of drawings. I must get round to taking photos of all the stuff done so far. He is really enjoying this club and I'm really pleased we found something he likes.

We need to get to the library tomorrow and return our books and I also want to do some sun catcher/stained glass thingies we've had for about year. I wanted to do them with him today but illness took over. I'm really pleased that our chat seems to have finally sunk in and he got on so well with his "normals" today. Here's hoping tomorrow goes as smoothly.

Results today were 33 confirming that miscarriage is imminent. Feel relieved that likelihood of ectopic has all but gone and relieved to have to do no more gestone jabs as my bum will never be the same again.

So my sixth lot of fertility treatment resulted in a pregnancy that lasted approximately 10 days. Feels like another baby will never happen in this family. Knew I shouldn't have read all those stories out there of loads of women with low betas (like 5 and 24) going onto have healthy babies because it allowed a tiny seed of hope into my mind.

Charlie devastated and has been screaming and yelling at us both all day long resulting in him being sent to bed at 6pm. Not my best bit of parenting really.

To make it all worse my mother told me on the phone that "oh dear, you knew it was going to happen anyway" and "it wasn't a baby anyway", so I swore at her and hung up.

Quick update

Well today was hellish. First the train was delayed, then we waited two hours in the bloody clinic to be seen. Two hours in a boiling hot clinic with no air-con and puke inducing water cooler was not fun for me or Charlie.

Coming home on the train I felt soooo ill - banging headache, nausea, hot flushes bleugh. Came home and went straight to bed (4.15 before we got back) whilst waiting for clinic to call with results.

I chased them at 5pm and got the result but no real answer. HcG is 61 which is a low positive for 13 days post a 3 day transfer. Nurse said concern now re ectopic because of bleeding and HcG level. If it was a miscarriage the levels should be much lower by now as been bleeding since Wednesday so 6 days really. COuld be low due to late implantation though.

Need repeat tests this week to see whats happening re ectopic/m/c/or just slow starter. Decided I can't face going into London again this week so have e-mailed the Oxford fertility unit and asked if they will do the blood tests on Weds and Fri as I reckon two tests is better than having one on Thursday and then waiting again until Monday.

On the positive side, no real bleeding at since yesterday morning. Slight amounts of v light spotting only. Sorry for tmi.

Thanks to everyone again for all their comments and thoughts, it is much appreciated.

So lucky me has yet more waiting. I had totally prepared myself for a negative today so the thought of an ectopic is a bit much right now.

This is begining to feel like a saga now. Woke up to quite a bit of bleeding - more than before and did another test. Positive but much feinter than yesterday so I rang the clinic and a really lovely doctor called me back and agreed the best thing is to go to the clinic on Monday and have a beta HcG blood test as the only real way to find out what is going on. Likelihood of early m/c of one or both little ones but could still "just" be a bleed. Have to "carry on" as if pregnant until Monday.

Charlie is finding this really hard - he cried this afternoon because he saw just one magpie in the car on the way home from Oxford and because he hit me on the arm on the park and ride bus and thought that it would kill the "baby" and it was all his fault.

So whilst I know deep down that there probably isn't going to be a good outcome for this pregnancy, the blood test will give us a definitive answer and that will make it easier on him, he just doesn't understand at the moment why I'm bleeding and it won't stop and why he can't be happy. To be honest I'm not sure I understand either.

I must remember to ask about the recipient tomorrow, something good has to come out of all this and if it's making a 3rd couples dreams come true then that's good enough for me.

I've debated about blogging this all day but it seems wrong not to acknowledge what's happening.

My official test date is tomorrow and on Wednesday morning I started spotting. By Weds evening it had turned into light bleeding which has continued. Yesterday morning I did an evil pee stick test and it was a very feint positive. Yesterday afternoon I went out and bought some Clear Blue tests which thankfully were on offer in Sainsburys. I figured I needed to use a brand I could trust.

I tested again this morning and it was another stronger positive. I rang the clinic and the nurse congratulated me and told me to treat as a positive and book a scan for 3 weeks time when I'd be 6 weeks +5 days pregnant. I declined saying I'd rather test again tomorrow and Monday and see what happens with the bleeding. If the tests are still positive on Monday I will book my scan and might go to the GP for a beta blood test if the bleeding hasn't stopped.

So, positive test is good, today I am still pregnant but bleeding could either be ok or not ok. As long as it doesn't get any heavier it is likely to just be one of those things (90% of IVF pregnancies have bleeding in the first trimester)or one embryo failing and one embryo making it.

Charlie is thrilled but understands until we see a hearbeat nothing is guarranteed - I am so proud of him as he is being so positive and caring.

I'd like to publicly thank Merry here because she has been *so* supportive despite everything. Thank you - you've made this 2ww much easier than it could have been just be being there and I appreciate it so much. Thank you also to everyone else who has left me messages of support - it is so appreciated.

So now there is nothing to do but wait again. Arggghh first the 2ww and now an almost 3ww!

Just a quickie

Charlie started the day really well with going from breakfast to teeth to dressed to starting his normals really well and quickly. First off was an ELE unit which he did surprisingly well with occassional help. He moved onto SL reading, history, geography and science and really enjoyed todays work although I can't remember what he did except science was about energy including new and greener sources.

After that he finished a SOTW colouring sheet from yesterday and then begged to be allowed to play nintendogs on my DS lite. I was in the office at this point and could quite a bit of shouting coming from the sitting room. He and B went to the lakes for a long walk and he cleared out the waterfall again.

A quick dinner and change of clothes and I dropped him off for his first art club session which was for two hours until 8pm.

I was greeted with a beaming smile when I picked him up - he really enjoyed himself. They did some instruction led idea abstract art (!)and a 3D plaque and pastels thingy as individual pieces. Then as a group they did a kind of group picture where the teacher drew a desert island and each child drew a feature on it. Next she emptied out a big bag of plastic bags and bits of plastic and did an Art Attack style picture of the completed island with them.

Charlie was thrilled to notice that there was a big bag of Happy Mais in the room and when the teacher didn't know how to use it Charlie obliged by telling her. They might use it next week apparently as well as doing something with scraps or leather and suede.

It seems like he had a really positive experience and said that he really likes the teacher, Kate and he hopes they don't change teachers. I reassured him that its only her that does it as far as I know.

He's now happily fast asleep in my bed as B and her man flu kept me awake all night last night so a bit of bed swapping has been called for.

Catch Up - Again!

Yesterday was spent with the Puddles as Charlie loves to refer to them collectively and was really lovely. Merry and I chewed the fat over biz stuff as usual whilst Josie entertained us with utter cuteness and Amelie was just so cool - no other word for it - that girl rocks.

She really loved hearing all our Disney tales and at one point I really thought her eyeballs would pop with wonderment over hearing of some of the characters we met. She seemed particularly taken by tales of eating dinner with them.

Charlie, Fran and Maddy played particularly well together I noticed quite a few times and there was much insistance at the end of the day that he sit firmly inbetween them so as to be next to both whilst DVD watching.

My new zoom lens arrived just as we were leaving home so I was able to take it with me to play with it a bit. After a few false starts it started working but I can't use the camera with it in anything other than auto mode because I shake too much! Must remember tripod next time for manual shots!

All in all a lovely day which was also the perfect way to distract me and Charlie and I had some lovely conversations particularly on the way home when he philosophised over whether the "babies" would stay put and how he might feel if they don't this time after he's "been waiting so long for a baby". Cue a few teary eyed seconds from me - not good when you're driving in the dark! We got home lateish - 10.30 and put Charlie straight to bed after he had a screaming melt down at B.

Today has been a bit mish mashed. Took B to work and then came home to find my prescription from the clinic and the needles and syringes whilst Charlie started a ELE unit. Then out to see the GP to ask if they'll do the prescription. 35 mins wait in the surgery - they were so busy - ugh.

Then straight from the GP to fill the car up and to pick up B from work and home from lunch. Charlie finished off his maths - after 2 hours!!!! More screaming fits at B - think he's a bit emotional still and then he did SL and SOTW but didn't get on to Science before bed!!

I uploaded photos and fiddled in picassa in attempt at distraction and did some forum surfing too.

Then I got Charlie to bring down all his non-fiction and SL books which we've now put on the bottom of our second new bookcase. This means we can clear a bookcase from his room into the garage. I think we're going to bring down all the workbooks and resources too, just need to figure out the best way to store those.

B has man flu and has been moaning all afternoon driving me mad. Popped over to mum and dads this evening to pick up a form I have to sign to do with their business and Dad showed me some of his many holiday photos. Including an impressive one he took of a ship over a mile out to sea. His lens is *so* bigger than mine - sulk.

Charlie has his first session at art club tomorrow night which he seems to be looking forward to.

  

  

Catch-Up

Friday started badly with very painful injection - I'm sure B does it on purpose - not sure what the neighbours must think of my yelling and swearing about it but hey ho! They keep us awake so much with their stupid parties and inane girly loved up giggling. It's revenge.

Took B to work and then fully intending to make my break for freedom worth it, Charlie and I joined the library, cue Charlie and I staggering back to the car with massive bag full of huge sized non-fiction books for him! We picked up some more of our Disneyland Paris photos and then mooched around the shops for a bit before going home for lunch which Charlie made again :)

After lunch Charlie did some ELE maths, CHOW and SOTW units and Science. By the time that was finished we had to go and pick up B from work.

I was very excited to win a Canon 75-300 zoom lens on eBay for a fab price - finally a decent lens to take some decent pics with - can't wait for it to arrive.

Saturday saw us heading out to Millets Farm Centre for a bit of PYO. Charlie chose victoria plums, courgettes and raspberries and we got a very respectable haul of all 3. Love PYO as Charlie does. We went and peered at the animals, had lunch there and did some food shopping in their farm shop before exhaustation and ovary pain overwhelmed me and we were home by 1.30pm. Took a few photos before my battery ran out, will upload on Tuesday as battery charging now.

Charlie did some SOTW activity sheets and we all lazed around watching a DVD before X-Factor. Charlie's behaviour had been appalling - the stress of this 2ww is really affecting him this time. He's so desperate for a sibling.

Today B bought be breakfast in bed and then took Charlie to the Lakes. I was exhausted and fell back to sleep, not waking until 11.30am. I am sooo tired all the time at the moment and not sure why as I've never felt like this before on a 2ww.

After lunch we nipped to Sainsburys to finish our shopping and then vegged with more DVD's, books and Charlie did some SL Science and loads of reading. He also went out on his bike for a while, hoping to see Henry I think but I gather there was no sign of him.

B cooked a lovely dinner although her first attempt at yorkshire pud was a diseaster- it was a bit like a very fluffy pancake inside.

I've been very grateful to get through today with no spotting at this point as in last time, and no feeling that my period is imminent. Just need the next 5 days to go quickly and uneventfully and for the waiting to be over. The last person on my clinic thread onFertility Friends who was due to test before me has had a postive today, she is about the 30th or so of a row of positives from our clinic since July. So pleased for her and pleased that the clinic appears to be on a roll.

S*d sofa rest

I am sooooooooooooooooo bored I am going insane officially.

As Merry kindly posted for me I had my embryos transferred on Tuesday. They were ok embies, not brilliant like last time but ok. I had a 8 cell grade 1 embryo and a 7 cell grade 2 embryo replaced.

I also had a 6 cell grade 2 embryo and a 5 cell grade 2 embryo frozen for future use. The fifth little embryo hadn't grown/divided overnight and had arrested. :(

In terms of grading - grade 1 at my clinic is the best so after getting 5 grade 1 embies last time and only 1 this time I wasn't over the moon. It is very hard to stay positive at the moment and I'm trying instead to have a "whatever will be" attitude but both the doctor and the embryologist seemed rather negative and the doctor started talking about my next try which made me want to slap her - bit difficult when you're on your back, feet in stirups with a metal object in your nether regions and a nurse pressing the scan probe really hard on your painful swollen uterus and ovaries!!!!

One of my ovaries was laying over my uterus which explains why I had experienced so much abdo pain this time. Thankfully it seems to have settled now and the only pain I have left is both my buttocks from the gestone injections. A lumpy, sore, bruised bum isn;t much fun and the injections get more painful each morning - I am sure Bev is getting off on inflicting the pain. I swear I can hear her muttering about revenge.

In terms of the embryo development now, if they have survived until today they will be blastocysts and look like this

With any luck tomorrow they will start to hatch, ready to implant from Sat-Tuesday.

Charlie has been a busy bee during my sofa rest. Yesterday he completed a Bond Assessment Paper in Maths
which was slightly easy for him but he did it really quickly and was proud to get 25/25 - he asked me to mark it for him. He also did a unit of his Egmont Learning Explorers maths workbook He's enjoying this book too at the moment - seems to suit his learning style well.

Then he moved onto SL, so history and geography about Athens and Sparta and the differences between them, some CHOTW and SOTW on both subjects and activity pages too. A bit of SL science finished up the work for the day.

Today he was up before Bev and downstairs doing some more SL science - all about space and planets. This shocked us both as neither of us heard him get up. He had heard B's alarm and gone straight downstairs - I was impressed!

After breakfast he carried on with science whilst I decluttered the huge pile of magazines on the sitting room floor that I've been trying to alleviate boredom with. I read, read some more, surfed the net, made some more touring plans for our Disney Florida holiday, got a bill from the clinic - GULP - and received an interesting package of needles and syringes from them also.

Then Charlie made lunch :)

B came home and mowed and strimmed the lawns and Charlie has now done some more science, finished off Athens and Sparta. He's just starting the next unit in the ELE book.

I've decided officially that I am off sofa rest from this afternoon - I'm too bored. I'm going to go for a short walk and get some fresh air before I go insane.

I thought I'd really enjoy having three weeks off work and that it would make things easier but found myself starting to get bored today! Once I surfed my heart out, read my book and a magazine or two, flicked through supplier catalogues and watch birth shows on tv I was brain dead!

Part of it is because Charlie is so self sufficient in learning and play that he doesn't really need any help/intervention/company.

So this morning he did two pages of maths, a paper of Verbal Reasoning (which he loved) history bits on Sparta in both SOTW and CHOW and the respective SOTW activity pages. He also did lots of reading, bringing me drinks and making lunch for us both. He's also worked on his huge map he is drawing.

He was very sweet this morning when I was lying in bed having my injection and was stroking my hair giving me a lecture about how it will be worth it.

We now have a crisis brewing as he has the most horrendous hacking cough and has fallen straight to sleep (which is a miracle even though he's poorly). B really has to work tomorrow for various reasons and I don't really want to drag him to London with me when he's not feeling right and my parents are on hols. Arggghh. Doesn't seem fair to put him through 3h 20 mins of train journeys and then possibly a long wait in the clinic. Don't really want to be taking him near immune supressed patients (like me) either as it's not fair to them. I know it's only a cough but he's also burning up.

Off to panic a bit now.

I just rang the lab to check on the embryos and wished I hadn't now, I didn't know I could do this last time but a friend on FF recommended that I did.

This morning we have 1 x 4 cell perfect embryo, 1 x 3 cell ok embryo, 2 x 2 cell embryos that are ok-ish - one of which has fragmentation and 1 highly fragmented embryo that they don't hold much hope for.

So it seems that this lot of embryos are nowhere near as good as last years which is very disappointing in a kind of I'm not sure if I can go through all this again way. It's frustrating when I did a lot more stuff this time to ensure better quality eggs and therefore embies. Extra protein, drank more fluid (which is really hard for me) remembering faithfully to take my vits and minerals.

So very much looking like it will be transfer tomorrow and not blasts on Thursday which I really wanted to give us the best chance. I'm not holding out any hope at all now for particularly good embryos.

The embryologist finally called around 30 mins ago whilst I was in the bath and they called the mobile - grr.

I couldn't hear all that well and her foreign accent didn't exactly assist but out of my 8 eggs 6 were suitable to be ICSI'd and so were and 5 fertilised. Embryo transfer is provisionally booked for 11.20 on Tuesday. If they don't call by 9am on Tuesday to say that they are taking the embies to blasts then transfer will go ahead.

I don't normally go in for all that talking to the embryos, sending vibes to them thing but please precious embies divide and grow well.

Have let B do the first gestone injection now too, we had to wait for the call first in case none fertilised. I think B was more traumatised than I was.

Egg collection went ok - 16 eggs this time so 8 each for me and recipient. Had a bad reaction to GA and tummy was really sore this time so got given IV painkillers and voltarol :) Throat also really sore from tubes this time. Beginning to feel like I'm getting too old for this malarky as today has really taken it out of me. Slept most of the way home on the train and now doing battle with acid reflux again.

This is the bit that I hate now - having to wait until the call tomorrow morning from the embryologist to find out how many fertilised. So, so, so scared that none will fertilise like the first time. Also scared for the recipient that hers won't do well either. Ugh.

It was my own lovely consultant that did my op which was nice and she told me to request her for embryo transfer too. Then she scared me by telling me that she'll let me start the gestone injections tomorrow rather than today "because they hurt so much".

Had to go down to the clinic to collect the IM needles for the gestone and both the receptionist and I nearly fainted when we saw the size of them. OMG they are huge and long and thick. Told Bev she will end up chasing me round the house for at least 8 hours tomorrow before I let her do the injection. My buttock is as scared as me I think!

Elephant house

...well I feel like an elephant as my stomach is swelling further upwards and outwards even more. Need to lay these eggs now!! Trigger injection site is really sore, red and swollen today - yeouch.

Had a lovely day today after another night of little sleep due to the most intense acid reflux keeping me awake.

Took B to work and then went to the bank to pay bills and move some money between the two biz accounts too. Then decided a slow wander around the shops might be a good idea. Well a slow waddle anyway. Got Charlie some beads and cord for jewellery making, some card and envelopes for card making, a box for his geomags and a landscape colouring book too in a little shop in town.

Checked out the Radley purses to go with my radders bag but they didn't have the right size so gave up and waddled to Jessops to pick up the first lot of prints from Disneyland. They had my two sets ready but not the second lot we had ordered in B's name in order to take advantage of the 40 free prints deal. Pah. Waddled further and finally managed to find Charlie a new electric toothbrush - Mickey Mouse of course!

Got him some Bond Assessment Papers in WhSmith, maths, verbal and non-verbal reasoning and then to Ottakars where he bought Treasure Island with some money my parents gave him yesterday. I also got him another maths workbook. Waddled back to car to dump bags and then went to M&S for tasty treats, stopped in at the Mill Arts Centre to pick up details on Capoeira classes, youth theatre, dance and Art Club.

Then we drove over to the train station and picked up the train tickets for tomorrow. Got home and had lunch.

I slobbed on sofa and tried to fight the rising acid reflux whilst Charlie did two pages of the new maths book very competently, and then we went to collect B from work having stopped at the post office to post Anara parcels.

Filled up with petrol on the way home and then Charlie did a whole paper of non-verbal reasoning. As I suspected he really enjoyed this just as I used to when I was his age and we did them at prep school all the time to prep for 10+/11+

B is out for a walk, Charlie is riding his bike and I'm just settling down with a trade mag to browse to try and finalise Xmas stock - arrggghhh.

Have to be up at 5.30am tomorrow to leave to catch my train to London at 06.05 - yikes! Will be at hospital by 7.45 ish if taxi goes fast enough from station so hoping they won't kill me for being late. I'm second on the operating list, so it's eggs laid time at 9.30am hopefully. Charlie's given them a strict talking to, to make sure they're all nice and mature. Rofl.

Today and yesterday

Taking three weeks off work is starting to make me demented - I never know what day or time it is.

Anyway, yesterday saw Charlie back to normals with much stropping and bad mood. Eventually, a page of Miquon and the start of writing a piece in his diary about our holiday was done. I slobbed in front of the pc, in bed reading mags and then on the sofa as bloating is big and walking feels odd! I swore at flickr loads too as it takes sooooo long to load photos - grrrr.

Charlie did a load of train station 3D plans on Google SketchUp which he enjoyed loads.

Today I swore at the Anara website for various reasons I can't really go into on here just in case. We nearly missed our train to London this morning for my last follicle scan - made it onto platform at 10.11 and train departed at 10.12! I had to do the shameful thing of not paying for a parking ticket as I only had a £20 note in the house and about 20p in coppers and not the required £2.50 for station car park. There was no on -road parking anywhere near and I didn't have time to go into the station, up the four flights of stairs, across the bridge to the cafe buy something, back down the stairs and then walk the half mile back to the overflow car park. I felt really, really bad - I've not done anything like that before but I could not miss the scan because of the blood test deadline. Sigh. I came back fully prepared to pay the £50 fine and see a clamp and miraculously got away with it. Oh the shame.

Anyway, made it to the clinic on time - scan fine - loads of lovely follicles and had blood test. Sorted out consent forms for egg donation and the stipulations for use, research and storage etc Back to Marylebone and on the train again by 12.54 eating a cheese and onion cornish pasty for lunch and glugging Duchy organic apple juice - yum.

Bev picked us up having had to walk several miles from work to the train station car park and then we came home to wait for the clinic to call having stoped at Sainsburys for another 8 pints of organic milk, pineapple juice and pregnancy tests all ready for the 2ww.

Charlie has been finishing his diary piece and doing some maths since we got back - still doing it now after dinner!

Clinic called around 4.30 to say that egg collection is going ahead on Saturday - my operation should be at 9.30. Had to do my last menopur injection just now and have taken my last two sniffs - yay! Then its time for the big trigger injection at 9.30 tonight. Drug free day tomorrow except for my steriods and pregnacare, egg collection Sat morning and then the evil gestone injections start on Sunday - sob.

I'm hoping for 20 eggs on Saturday but I think that's a bit optimistic as best previously has been 17 eggs. 20 would give me and my recipient 10 each and therefore give me a good chance of 8 being mature, and 7 fertilising. That in turn would give me a good change of 6 embryos that would be allowed to go to blasts. I desperately want a blast transfer this time to maximise my chances but we'll see. I also like to make sure that my recipient gets a good number of eggs to maximise her chances so fingers crossed. I would be over the moon if embryos from my eggs managed to make a third woman pregnant!

Tomorrow we're going to sort out some of Charlie's home ed resources/books/stuff and take some of it downstairs to go on one of our new bookcases in the sitting room. That way he can utilise the new table in there too which will be helpful whilst I'm glued to the sofa for the next 2 and a bit weeks resting up.

We also need to go into town to get him a new electric toothbrush - his is rather broken. He wants to learn about some railway line engineering principles too so I'm going to try and facilitate that somehow using google.

Back....and exhausted

and so full of follicles that my stomach makes me look about 6 months pregnant which is disturbing. I don't so much walk as roll around at the moment. After getting back (v late) from Disneyland on Monday night Charlie and I stayed in London before my scan yesterday morning whilst B came home on the train. Scan went well - 14 follicles so far, had another scan today and next one tomorrow. Looks like egg collection will be set for Saturday but that will depend on tomorrows scan and blood test results. I've been looking furtively at the gestone amps on my desk and gulping as the time to start injecting those gets nearer!

Holiday was lovely but very exhausting and the down right rudeness and shoving of the French and Spanish really, really wound me up! Disney is fab no matter what but the queue jumpers and shovers were the pits and I am a woman used to 25 years worth of ski-lift queues - this was worse! It was my second trip to Disneyland Paris - the first was in 1995 with a friend - again the bank holiday weekend - and C and I have also been to Disney in Florida. The behavious of the other patrons coupled with the very un-Disney like Cast Member's definitely spoiled it for me having experienced Florida.

I was also so disappointed with my camera's performance during the fireworks. I'm not sure whether it's me or the lens/camera but all the photos were shot in the P mode and there were many times when the stupid thing just refused to take a pic, with lots of whirring and moaning going on, despite the use of tripod and trash can! I had hoped to use this trip as good practice for Florida in Jan as the fireworks there last 45 minutes rather than 5 but I failed. So, at the next camera club meeting I'm determined to get to the bottom of what the lack of focussing and whirring was all about. I love photography, I love photos, they are v important to me and v important that I take good ones and I didn't so that must be rectified.

Apart from all that and the eurostar being delayed for an hour on Saturday (train broke so they gave us the Lille one) and being delayed coming back on Monday ( train arrived late, passengers got stuck in lift going down to the platform and then the high speed overhead lines in France didn't work - we arrived at Waterloo 1.5 hours late) we had a fab time. Sequoia Lodge was lovely - we had a lake view montana room and the view was gorgeous, the food at Cafe Mickey, Walts and Innoventions was good - especially the puddings! Characters were v good, Charlie loved the Prince and Princess Parade - especially the Princesses, he loved Phantom Manor having hated the Florida version and we spent loads on souvenirs! At one of the character meals, Stitch was really taken with Charlie and get coming back to spend time with him, Captain Hook messed up our table, throwing napkins and cutlery across the table and Minnie had a fight with Mickey whom kept stroking my hair and cuddling me! Fabulous.

Charlie loved collecting character autographs which is something he wasn't interested in at Walt Disney World. We were all upset not to have seen Donald - he was elusive! Honey I Shrunk the Audience was good - the being touched by mice part was horrible though!!

I'm very glad we went this past weekend rather than waiting until I was in the 2ww as once Sunday came I was starting to struggle a little with walking, not sure if it was drug related but calve and thigh muscles went so badly at one point we nearly considered hiring a wheelchair for me! I was terrible at remembering my 4pm drug sniff which meant being stared at by people as I unceremoniously stuck the pump up my nose whilst walking down Main Street, rumaging in Sleeping Beauty Castle or on the Studio Tram Tour at the Disney Studios!

Charlie's is still buzzing from the trip and he bought lots more pins and was even brave enough to do a trade with a CM this time! He's busy writing about the trip in his diary now (covers English). He loved speaking French whilst we were away and was always saying Merci , au revoir etc.

Another catch up

Scan was good on Wednesday, everything was ready so I started injecting on Weds along with the steriods too. My next scan is Tuesday then one of Thursday and hopefully egg collection on Saturday.

Went to the GP today to get signed off for 3 weeks, to get my preds and to ask for a letter listing my meds. GP was as lovely as always and happy to help.

B has just nipped into town to pay a bill and Charlie is supposed to be tidying his room but it doesn't sound like it from here.

At 4pm we're off to catch the train into London ready to catch the eurostar to Disneyland Paris tomorrow morning. We're coming back on Monday night and B will be coming home by herself whilst C and I stay in London another night before my scan on Tuesday morning. C and I are then taking the train to see my friend and her 4 daughters in Cheltenham before finally coming home on Wednesday night! Then scan again in London on Thursday. Phew - I'll need another holiday to recouperate.

Hope everyone has a nice bank holiday weekend.

Charlie Catch Up

There isn't a great deal to say but I shall waffle anyway.

The intensive swimming course last week was amazing. There were 6 children in his group and they were the only people in either pool the entire week for the duration of the lesson. This was excellent as it meant it wasn't noisy enough to distress or distract Charlie.

There were two teachers for the group and I can honestly say they are best teachers I have ever seen. They assessed the children and then split them into two groups of three and each teacher took a group, although they swapped over frequently as well. It was amazing to watch all the children improve within minutes each day. Charlie loved these lessons and so is on the main swimming academy list for full time lessons now. All the children got a certificate at the end of the week.

It was tricky getting him up at 7.45 each morning so we could leave at 8.45 to drop Bev in work before lessons at 9.20 but he managed it despite his exhaustion and I was really proud of him for actually listening to the teachers for the majority of the time - he normally finds that hard in a pool.

We've had maths tantrums and refusal and going slow all week which has been frustrating but today he did amazing maths work - very focused and got on with it. He did a nice selection of WWS and Miquon and was really proud of himself when something finally clicked.

We've had the usual varying conversations and questions all week and as always the detail has left my mind but suffice to say that boy still amazes me with his knowledge and manages to make me feel really dumb. I must brush up on my aeronautical engineering knowledge.

He's been investigating plane engine design on the net and reading loads and loads as usual too. His favourite game at the moment is to go to B and buy military planes off her for millions and pay with his credit card - rofl.

He's also done loads of lincoln log and HappyMais play and also did one of the hama designs from kit we bought from Merry. At the weekend I bought him some new games for his PSP and he's played some golf on that as well. I got AC:WW for my DS and am not really sure how you play it! Must get Merry to give me a tutorial when I see her next!

In a dangerous moment on Friday when I was on the internet with my credit card next to me I booked us a little break to Disneyland Paris for the bank holiday weekend. We're staying in London on Friday night and then off on the Eurostar on Sat morning and returning Monday night. Expensive - very - worth it - for sure! Charlie was so excited when we told him as he still has no clue about DisneyWorld in Jan for his birthday.

I had to ring the clinic today and they have bought my baseline scan forward to tomorrow afternoon. The nurse reckons I will be down regged enough to start injecting tomorrow and has kindly agreed to write me a letter listing all my meds for eurostar! I'm not too bothered about the usual menopur injections but not looking to take the steriods much. I already bloat up so much on the IVF drugs so its not like I need steroids to add to that! I've been having to wear maternity jeans as it is since I started the pill, which is disturbing.

So that's me, a bit tired, a bit stressed, suffering from either sweats or shivers alternately (my immune system kicking in/side effects of sniffs), achey limbs and headaches and tomorrow I've got my first encounter with the dildocam to look forward to!

Treatment Protocol

My lovely fertility consultant has just called me to apologise for not speaking to me sooner. She's at home with her two little ones on a Saturday when she isn't working - she is so lovely.

Anyway, the NKC and ACA situaiton must be worse than I thought because she just told me my new treatment protocol and drugs and it looks like this:

Fri 25th - baseline scan (probably) and start injecting menopur, suprecur sniffs halved. Start taking preds (sterioids)

Weds 30th - scan and blood test to check follicle growth - continue injections, sniffs and steriods

Fri 1st - scan and blood test to check follicle growth, sniffs and steriods.

Sat 2nd - Pregnyl trigger injection, sniffs and steriods

Mon 4th - egg collection - steriods and gestone injection.

Tuesday 5th - start heparin injections and baby asprin, continue with gestone injections and steriods.

Weds - same - possible embryo transfer day

Thurs/Fri/Sat- same drugs - poss embryo transfer day

From Sun until pregnancy test day continue with gestone and heparin injections and steriods and baby asprin. If get pg, heparin, baby asprin and steriods to continue until at least 12 weeks - poss whole pregnancy. Gestone to continue until at least 9 weeks.

It seems that my NKC levels are very, very high and combined with the ACA levels my body just sets all out to first destroy my babies and then my blood goes sticky and clots and the lining breaks down to make doubly sure that no pregnancy survives.

Anyway, just wanted to get that all recorded so its set straight in my own mind. Having said that, protocols can change as can timetables but I will definitely be having the steriods, heparin, gestone and baby asprin to address my issues. Possibility of clexane too apparently but that's not a definite.

I did my first sniffs this morning for down regulating my ovaries and took my last pill - hurrah! Will do a Charlie catch up blog later.

These early mornings (well early for us) to get Bev to work and then Charlie to swimming are beginning to take their toll on all of us! Charlie is asleep by 8pm every time - totally unheard of for years and even I'm ready for bed by 11.00pm rather than my usual 1am. Still a struggle to get up though.

Charlie is doing really well with the swimming lessons - there are only 6 in his group and two teachers and they have the trainer pool to themselves. He really likes the teachers and all the children have come along so quickly. Last lesson tomorrow and his name is down for the ordinary weekly swimming lessons. He is 258 on the list and I've heard rumours of people waiting 2 years to get a place! But he's down now anyway. The swimming academy run lessons 50 weeks a year so much better than other lessons that stop for the holidays.

In other news, we had a good trip to London on Monday. Charlie utterly refused to get the tube so we ended up with a taxi from Marylebone to the clinic, from the clinic to the Science Museum and from there back to Marylebone! Science museum was ok, Charlie enjoyed it but it's never been one of my favourites.

Blood test was ok and I got my results back today which show that my Natural Killer Cells levels are raised. That basically means that whenever my body detects an embryo it thinks it is a foreign cell, like a cancer cell or something and sets out to destroy it. I am pleased that I finally have an answer about why I haven't been able to get pregnant/stay pregnant over the years because it can be treated with steriods and asprin. There are no guarrantees that I will get pregnant this time as it can several attempts for the steroid levels to build up but at least this time something positive is being done.

2 days to go until the ICSI cycle starts properly and it's looking like my first scan will be a week on Friday.

Weekend Catch up

Things got slightly better after my post on Friday and I managed to pull myself together enough so that I wasn't jelly on the floor when Bev got home. Charlie phoned us several times on Friday, upon arrival, before dinner and after dinner which was nice.

Saturday we braved Milton Keynes primarily to choose curtain material, blind material and poles in John Lewis and also to finish buying the rest of Charlie's christmas presents. So that's all done now with the exception of one thing I'll order online. John Lewis peeps are coming to measure up and quote in a couple of weeks. We picked lovely boat/seaside material for Charlie's blinds as well and had a delicious lunch in there too. I had goats cheese and chicken burger on focacia with a spicy pear chutney and Bev had marinated halloumi and veg kebabs with cous cous.

We then went over to Ikea to buy the new shelves, cd unit, coffee table and tv unit and managed to end up with a nice new leather office chair for me too. Nearly died at the bill and nearly died again at customer service at the bill for delivery and assembly but needs must.

We took the coffee table, chair and tv unit home and Bev bravely assembled the lot whilst I watched Casualty!

Today started with Ikea delivering the rest of the furniture and me going shopping. After lunch Charlie came home and was thrilled to see that he had a new computer chair (my old one)and we spent the afternoon watching a dvd together. Early dinner and bed for Charlie as his week of swimming lessons start tomorrow and I also have the day off.

Swimming lesson 9.20-10am and then we're straight off to London on the train for my clinic appointment.

Spent a lovely day yesterday in the company of the puddles, children played mostly very well and Merry and I nattered away.

Today has not been so good. It started with Charlie waking up at 3am and being damn obnoxious when asked to go back to sleep. He kept insisting that as it was after midnight it was the next day and therefore the morning and time to get up. I have no clue what it was all about and he continually kept getting up and I just dealt with it all really badly by yelling at him. When Bev got up to get ready for work he dived in our bed and then refused to get up and have breakfast and get dressed!

More yelling and impossible to win arguments ensued and I really got to the end of my tether and ended up with a very sore throat.

My parents picked him up at 10am to take him away for the weekend and so now I just feel so guilty that I spent 7 hours yelling at him when he's gone away.

Turned my pc on and saw that I've got an order and that made me cry because its going to be awkward one to wrap.

Sat down to start some work and having taken one look at the huge box of files and the other huge pile of files I just burst into tears. Mother phoned up at yelled at me for not having already completed x, y and z so I cried again. I so don't do crying.

I'm not feeling like I've got a very good grip on life today. I don't know whether its the hormone tablets but I'm seriously considering getting the consultant to sign me off work for the next 6 weeks when the IVf will be over.

Spoke to the clinic this morning and they are concerned about the side effects the pill is having on me this time and concerned that I've been bleeding so long, so they've booked me a scan for Monday.

I've just managed to finish one file and then looked at the rest and lost it again. Talk about hanging on to a thread.

5am.

C - Muuummmmyyyy wake up Merry's coming!
Me - OMG it's 5am go the h*** back to sleep!!
C - But Mummmmyyyyyy they'll be here in a minute.
Me - No they won't, now either you go back to sleep or I'm going to kill you.

6.45am.

C- Mummmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for goodness sake get up Merry's coming.
Me - OMG do I look like I care?? It's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep or else.
C - But Mummmmmyyyyyy it's late.
Me - Charlie, I swear if you don't go back to sleep I won't stop Amelie from marrying you, in fact I'll positively encourage it.

Deadly silence :)

7.50 am - C has now had brekkie, done teeth and got dressed even and is looking out his bedroom window.

C - Come on Merry where are you??
Me - Charlie, they live in Peterborough, not down the road.
C - But I'm bored, I want the girls here now.
Me - Well if you're that bored you could do some maths.

Deadly silence :))

Maths workbook help

I need some workbook suggestions as we're now a bit stuck. Charlie has finished all the Whizzard Whimstaff 7-8yr workbooks, the CGP KS1 and done what he can manage in CGP KS2. The rest of that book is beyond him at the moment as is the rest of his miquon blue.

Thinking of Singapore 2 - any other suggestions?

Camera playing

Had to go over to my parents at lunch time to let in the alarm servicer and after having helped Charlie with his HappyMais dock creation (we've now run out of grey and blue - need to order more now!) I decided to experiment a bit with my camera settings in aperture priority mode.

Quite proud of this one.



I've never noticed overlapping petals like that before.

Creative house

It's been a very creative house here recently. Not that that's unusual as Charlie loves creative stuff, but it's about all he's been doing.

First off he decided to make a crane and dock out of HappyMais



The dock is still a work in progress due to running out of blue Mais!

Then the lincoln logs arrived from the States and he has spent days playing with them and eventually on Sunday made this cabin and jetty.



The little angel then moaned about the angle of my photograph AFTER I'd killed myself lying flat on the floor and nearly couldn't get up again!

In non-creative news Charlie found this little frog in the garden - we've seen him 3 times now and Charlie is very attached to him.

Funny old week

As the title says last week was a funny old week. I felt very lethargic (possibly the pill) and unable to do much at all really which meant I got hopelessly behind on my work and spent hours on Sunday catching up. I didn't even have much energy for the business but managed to get out the few orders I had on time and even managed to organise Charlie to help me with the prize draw!

I'm finding waiting very consuming at the moment and that coupled with the nausea from the pill isn't a good thing. I asked for advice in the health shop though and got a new homeopathic remedy for the nausea which, touch wood, is better than the nux vom and actually working.

I've had a few moments of swearing at the pc screen - mainly because the HFEA are such utter bar stweards. They've decided that after decades, they have only just noticed that US sperm donors are paid. WTF?? Even my unmaternal partner knew that! The HFEA in their infinite wisdom have decided to refuse all pending applications for sperm importation from the US.

Due to the massive sperm shortage in the UK this led to mass panic in fertility clinics countrywide as both personal and clinic licence applications were refused. The Lister were lucky - they had already received their shipment, but some of their patients and my friends and other clinics weren't as lucky.

So now, the Lister are being forced to share each vial of sperm between 5/6 patients and all must have ICSI on top of IVF.

Sometimes I really wonder why the HFEA/government continue to play god in our lives? First of all they cause the UK shortage of donor sperm and then they stop sperm being imported to ease the situation. My heart breaks for all those couples and single women that now can't have treatment for the forseeable future. I was lucky, my vial was reserved the day after I got back from Merry's the other week and I am so thankful for that.

I discovered today that some people can be so unbelievably unpleasant and vindictive that it actually suprises me. The less said about that on here the better probably but frankly, I really do wonder who some people think they are and their behaviour utterly disgusts me. I did think the HE community was better than that but I guess I learnt a valuable lesson - that where ever you are in life, where ever you go and whomever you mix with there is always one nasty piece of work.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

Busy, busy

Can't really remember what we did for rest of last week suffice to say I was busy with work and a few orders and Charlie was very busy with the wonderful Happy Mais.

On Saturday we had to go into Banbury to pay some bills and pay in a couple of business cheques. We had a mooch around as usual and Charlie chose a Famous Five audio book on tape to listen to and we also had lunch in M&S.

We spent some time at Stoke Wood which is a really lovely ancient woodland, with the exception of being so close to the M40! Charlie really enjoyed this although he cunningly lead us on the very longest route which my knees and legs weren't thankful for! We're planning on going back soon as they have a section that is suitable for bikes, so when we get our new car we'll take Charlie's bike up there.




Came home and had dinner and then watched Haunted Mansion
together which we quite liked. It was quite good to see it after enjoying the ride in Florida so much.

Sunday morning I worked and Charlie pottered around doing stuff. In the afternoon we decided to make a start on the load of science type kits he got for Christmas last year.

We started with the volcano which ahd to be painted white first after having done a neutralisation activity.





Whilst that was drying we started the crystal growing kit.


As the first layer of paint had dried Charlie applied the colour detail.



We also started the bulging brains horrible science kit by mixing the plaster of paris and pouring it in the moulds. That's drying out on the window sill with the crystal kit, which should have grown by Sunday hopefully.

Then we moved onto crafts. Charlie did Happy Mais making a crane and hama with me and Bev did some engraving thingy.



The dolphin is part of a mobile kit but the chick is his own design and he was pleased with it. He find the hama designs really hard to deal with so prefers doing his own thing. Although he is really looking forward to one of the BM kits we've ordered.

I spent a lot of the weekend feeling sorry for myself as the pill is making me really ill this time, but I'll get over it!

Who stole my monkey?

Ok, this isn't funny now, I know I shouldn't complain but Charlie is doing maths without complaining, extra maths voluntarily and it's scary but in a good way.

Up early again today and once Merry had let us know she wasn't coming I was able to formulate a plan. So after showers and breakfast I got straight on with my work (at 7.45 again!) and Charlie read for a bit and watched some Discovery Kids.

Then it was time for maths, again 7 pages and then after that I suggested I went through the rest of the Spark Island workbook with them and write the answers in so we could finish it. So after 7 pages in a variety of other books we whizzed through and finished the SI workbook.

Then it was time for lunch and after lunch Charlie went back upstairs whilst I continued with my last file. When I got upstairs 30 minutes later he announced that he was doing four more pages in a whizzard whimstaff book because he liked it. I *think* I fainted at this point.

So he did that and I finished my work and Bev came home from work and by 2pm we were all able to spend some guilt free time together and I didn't once need to say "in a minute - I'm working" which was rather nice. Charlie spent some time on various websites and sent me some e-cards from yahooligans including a cute one of a chimp telling me he loves me.

We did the file swap at my mum's and took her the rest of the banana bread for her and my dad to enjoy later and then we all had an ice lolly. It was much hotter here today - yuck.

Charlie didn't eat much dinner again today although surprisingly had room for a yum-yum!

Charlie in bed and once again I did some more work in an attempt to free up some daylight hours for him - Bev not impressed but he needs to come first. Also packed a couple of orders tonight ready for tomorrow - that's 3 this week and considering I don't rank in google yet, that's not bad.

The following is probably tmi and very OT HE for most so I apologise in advance.

I was surprised today by the arrival of my period - bizarely early again. So assuming that it has definitely arrived and isn't just arsing around this means I will start taking the pill in the next day or two ready for my next IVF.

So now I'm a bit scared and that feels weird to admit but I'm mostly scared of seeing the utter devastation on Charlie's face if it doesn't work again, scared that the recipient won't get pregnant and weirdly scared that my natural killer cells test will come back negative because if that happens then I'm stuck with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility which can't be actively treated. I know it must seem odd to pray for something that means your body attacks and kills your precious embryos but I need to know there is a reason why after 7 years of treatment it hasn't worked. NKC can be treated easily enough with steroids and heparin, unexplained infertility can't be treated. I need to find time (ha!) now to go into London and get the blood test done preferrably before the 19th Aug when I start down regulation.

Ive been working out when everything should happen now with IVF because after my ambulance ride last time with OHSS I am going to take off two weeks from work from the date of egg collection, which is looking like being Monday 11th September. I hate the two week wait with a vengance and can never concentrate on work. Charlie was sweet this morning and gave my eggs/womb a good talking to - crazy boy - he is so desperate for a sibling - pref a girl but really he'd be happy with either, he just prefers girls as friends. I heard him telling Lionel (bear from the bear factory) that he has to be good if mummy gets pregnant or else he'll have to sleep in the garden!

Was up early again today, think this is becoming a bit of a theme and was pretty miffed that my internet connection was down which meant I actually had to do some work after breakfast rather than just avoid it by surfing.

At the weekend I gathered up all the various printouts I have for Charlie and put them all in one ring binder so that this morning I was able to let him choose what he wanted to do. To my surprise he begged for Sudoku and having got the hang of it begged for more and so I found 3 more 4 by 4 grids and printed those off. He had a go at a 6 by 6 but found it much too hard. He's been bugging me ever since for more 4's but I can't seem to find any that are free to print off having exhausted Sudoku for kids and activity village.

After that he did 7 pages of CGP maths including some quite hard subtraction sums and he was postively glowing when I returned downstairs and he had managed them all. He delighted in telling me how proud he was of himself and it was so lovely to see him with just a little bit of mathematical confidence.

For the rest of the day he mooched in the garden listening to Classic FM, reading and proclaiming his love for Mozart's music.

I finished my work, did a zillion loads of laundry, no gunk here as we use soap nuts, and helped Charlie sort out his room a bit. We had some lovely conversations including the usual ones that go right over my head as he gets all technical and I loose the will to live let alone listen.

Didn't find myself saying "in a minute, I'm working" quite as much today as I usually do but there was some yelling at bed time due to the state of his room.

He went to sleep earlier than usual tonight and after working like crazy I finally made it into the sitting room for Big Brother.

Saturday started unusually early for us mainly because 15 minutes after we shut the windows in Charlie's room(rainstorm) the heat woke him up! So we sent him downstairs to watch Discovery Kids for a bit whilst we put off getting up.

We had planned on going to John Lewis with my parents so that we could order new curtains and blinds for two of the rooms where the curtain poles have fallen down but mum changed her mind at the last minute so we'll have to do that another time.

We went into town and paid a cheque into the business account, withdrew Charlie's pocket money and then went to his favourite shop - Ottakars. Bev saw a book she knew he'd love for Christmas - Pirateology and also bought him Artemis Fowl which I think I might read first as he's still reading about 6 books at the moment.

After a pleasant lunch mared only by a sadistic father picking up his 4 year old daughter by her hand and throwing her across the table into a seat, we mooched around the shops some more and got some more Denby glasses in the Debenhams sale.

Shopping was very pleasant actually as Charlie was listening to Pure Dead Magic again on his iPod so was very quiet!

Just as we started driving home the heavens opened and I've never seen such heavy rain. We sat in the car optimistically for about 15 minutes when we got home but it didn't stop so we made a run for it and got so wet we all had to change clothes.

Before dinner we all tidied up the stock room and although it's tidier now, having unpacked the hama kits, bead frames and other bits and bobs from their boxes and stacked them all on the top shelf, it looks as if we have even more stock. We finally unpacked four boxes of stock from the sitting room having made room for them and also finally put away the animals and cuddlies from our visit to Merry.

Charlie did some more HappyMais and various other things before listening to a cd story in bed.

Bev and I were glued to the tv tonight as The L Word season 3 finally started and did not disappoint -oh no.

Today we were up earlyish again and had our usual bacon sarnies for breakfast lovingly cooked by the wife. Then off to Staples for more filing trays, new scissors and a stanley knife for opening stock boxes. Charlie bought a tub of bull dog clips with his pocket money!?!

Had lunch whilst we were out again and then food shopping after that and then to my parents for a short while before going home and it was the turn of my office to be tidied and re-organised a bit - much better now.

Charlie was doing more HappyMais, fimo and chart making and was utterly disgusted when he found out that "the girls" weren't coming this week but next. It's too long to wait apparently - he obviously isn't that adverse to marriage games then!

I nearly died laughing at tonights Big Brother. Loved Pete's song.

Lovely quiet day today with some surprising revelations from Charlie. I never thought I would hear my beloved maths-hating son say the words "love" and "maths" in the same sentence. But today he did as in "Mummy, I love these CGP maths workbooks, they are wonderful"!! Cue me sluttering my lunch all over the keyboard and screen!

In addition to doing 7 yes 7 pages of maths he also did a hama chick, more Happy Mais from Merry
and read loads as always. He also spent a considerable amount of time browsing the Apple site.

Me, well I've done loads of work as always and then spent hours putting up new stock and sorting out the toys for the online sale. Need to shift some stock and make room for new stuff coming in! We've got 3 pages of sale stock and more new toys.

You know its going to be a good day

When the first bit of post you open is your down reg drugs (nose spray) from the fertility clinic and the second bit is a credit card you'd forgotten you'd even applied for, with a credit limit that will exactly cover the costs of the said fertility treatment!

Plus the clinic called again yesterday to say that it's all going to be quicker than I thought and I can I only take the pill for fourteen days instead of the usual 21 and start down reg on the 19th August.

Nearly forgot

Having had that weird phone conversation bright and early on Monday morning when I had to choose and reserve my sperm (it's American too!) and having decided in the meantime that due to various reasons (financial, work and biz related) I was going to put back my next ICSI/egg share until October-ish - the clinic called me this morning, very stressed because they had been trying to get me whilst at Merry's yesterday.

They've matched me up with a recipient for my donor eggs already and were calling to ask if I was all set to go. My heart sank because really I should have said no, but knowing that some woman, somewhere in this country had received a call telling them that after 5 years on the waiting list they had found a donor match for her and they were just checking whether she was ready to start, made me say "yes!" I couldn't be responsible for the heartbreak I knew it would cause if I said no and she went back to the bottom of the list. It makes me smile knowing that a couple somewhere are celebrating tonight.

Who turned the heating on?

Yesterday I took the monkey to the puddle and we had a lovely time. Got up at 7am (don't all faint at once!) so we could leave at 8am and had a very good run up north. After Charlie handed over some reading books he wanted to lend to Fran and Maddy, he disappeared upstairs with the girls for a while whilst Merry and I chatted and looked at the cuddlies and animals I'd bought with me.

Everyone seemed to love the Ostheimer animals and there was certainly lots of cross breeding going on which was amusing. The sprinkler was a big hit with Charlie - we have a hosepipe ban here so no water play/paddling pool this year as Bev has gone on bucket filling strike!

I heard him a few times making a point to include Amelie and Josie-Jo as he's calling her, in the games with the bigger two which made me proud considering he is used to playing on his own or with one or two other children rather than four. He loved getting a chance to play mummies and daddies too although I'm not sure where the stock boxes came into it. Boxes of bodum were an amusing incident. I might have more flat packed boxes than Merry but she wins the prize for the most filled ones!!

Conversation on the drive home was also amusing, he is utterly convinced that the girls were trying to marry him in real life and will not believe me that it was just a game.

We got home around 10pm and Charlie collapsed into bed. Lovely day and Charlie can't wait for the next time and says he's had a wonderful time there (yes he is still awake!)Oh and Merry - bring that box of receipts when you come - I'll sort it out!

I had 4 parcels to pack when I got home - bubble wrap is no fun in this heat.

Today was another early start, I couldn't sleep so got up at 6.45 - shriek and did nasty work. I let Charlie sleep until 8.20 ish and then got him up bleery eyed.

He did his normals with no fuss including 4 pages of CGP maths. He's spent the rest of the day reading and playing with the magic maize we got from Merry.

I've just spent the day doing files and melting in the heat. Seriously considering installing air con. Hasd a bizarre moment when the lovely UPS lady arrived to pick up a parcel I was sending, she bought me a box of stock that I didn't order. So I rang the lovely agent and although there is nothing marked on my file she thinks it might be part of a back order. Only thing is because it was a package deal I don't have a record of what should have been it!

Following Merry's example I placed a Viking order - no free iPod speakers for me though but they say I'll get a free football. Maybe I'll get 3 boxes of bodum too?

Big mess

Who would like to come and help me tidy up and reorganise my stock room?? It's a nightmare, mainly because of the 100 or so cardboard boxes I have for sending out parcels but we've had to leave 3 boxes of stock unpacked in the sitting room because we've no room for it! There's also another box coming this week sometime. Arrghhhh.

Chocolate/cake/ice cream for anyone that offers to help!

Must, must start blogging again properly.

Anyway, busy week with predictably repetitive stuff going on, more SEO, pr, marketing and printing stuff that needed sorting out. The A6 postcards marketing postcards we've had designed and printed arrived yesterday and they are fab. Just the thing we need to attract attention at our stall at the Baby and Child fair today. I'm thrilled with the design work the Yetis did and as always the printers came up trumps too.

The first order came through from last week's trade show, so we are now stocking Label-Label although they are not on the site yet. Much better than Taggies in my opinion. I've started to put up the Sigikid stock on the website but stopped after one product. Thought I'd leave it and see what we sold today first!

Been a depressing week work wise. I've had two abuse cases this week where a father has injured their child and given multiple fractures to their under 1's. In the first case the baby was only 7 weeks and the medics found no less than 6 twisting fractures and the second was 7 months and they found 5 old fractures and two fresh twisting fractures. :(

So, the car is packed and we're off in a minute to set up for the Baby and Child fair. It's the first one I've done with the new biz so it'll be exciting and seeing as I'll have no till this time I'm taking Bev to do all that evil adding up. Have been cunning though and changed all our prices to end in 50p or £1's. Charlie is primed and ready to demo the fun blox so we can helpfully sell loads of those.

Can't wait for my day off on Tuesday as I'm feeling a bit stressed to the max.

I've got behind on blogging again - it's shocking really.
Thing is my days are getting a bit repetitive and therefore boring for others - manic busy with work , stress with business, hours spent on the phone to pr, marketing, SEO,web design people, suppliers and other wahms in the same line of biz.

So that's exactly what I did every day last week and today. Managed to make a wahm late to pick up her kids from school as she was too busy nattering to me about pr stuff :)

Weekend was busy too - went to MK on Saturday and omg it's so much bigger than when I was last there as a teenager (my nan lives there) We nearly died walking round all the shops but Charlie was over the moon with his Crocs and bear Bear is called Lionel and Charlie slings him and lifts up his top to breast feed! rofl

Sunday was busy because we went to Birmingham for yet another trade show. Charlie changed his mind and decided not to come just as we were leaving and luckily my parents were actually at home for the day so we sent him round there. One of our suppliers was gutted that he didn't come as they had been looking forward to seeing him again.

We placed two orders there for some nice new products and one we are really quite excited about as its very eco-friendly and we will be one of the very first UK retailers if not the first. This was the first time that this company have supplied to trade and we were the first order of the 3 day trade show. Hoping for some good pr for this one as its exclusive-ish.

Found a couple of new gifty type products we will stock eventually and watching some of the children in the catwalk shows was cute. The older ones were disturbingly sexual in dance moves etc which made us both so uncomfortable we couldn't watch any longer. Especially as the boys were only around 6-8 and the girls maybe 7-9ish, bit too close to home age wise.

When we got back our marketing postcard design had been finalised by the marketing yetis and we were also the proud new owners of a strap line. Gotta love the dedication of yetis that will work over the weekend for you so that you can meet a printing deadline :)

We're exhibting at a show on Saturday - only a small-ish local one and having just placed an order with morplan for various bits and bobs for it I'm feeling under prepared.

Got so many plans and thoughts in my head for all sorts of business things, including an idea I really want to bash over with someone who hasn't responded to my text or e-mail!!! It's causing me lack of sleep as I can't switch off and stop thinking. I'm nowhere near tired at the moment but have huge piles of files to get finished tomorrow.

5 things

Tagged by Helen

5 things in my fridge - on a Cypriot theme!

Humous
Feta
Tzatziki
Halloumi
Dolmades

5 things in my wardrobe

Weekend suitcase
Radley!
Hat box full of Charlie momentoes
Christmas presents for this year
Maternity clothese I'll probably never need again


5 things in my handbag
Wallet
Business cards
Badger balm
Phone
Family railcard

5 things in my car

Car seat
Umbrella
Murray mints
Sat nav attachments
Bluetooth headset

No-one left to tag!