Weekend was a bit hideous really as the miscarriage started on Saturday night and the cramps were *really* painful.

Before that we had been in Banbury in the afternoon and got a few bits and pieces we needed and it was nice to get out of the house and not feel sorry for myself!

We went for a walk around the lakes when we got back as well which was really nice and so we repeated that on Sunday afternoon and whilst Charlie was running on ahead we were able to make a few more plans for our Florida holiday in January.

Monday and Tuesday are a bit of a blur but I know that Charlie's behaviour got progessively worse until he had a big blow out and we then had a long chat about various things.

Consequently today was excellent. I woke up with a hideous migraine and couldn't move from the bed. He got up, breakfasted with B and then did his teeth and got dressed nice and easily with no yelling needed. He then went straight downstairs and got on with his maths. He came up to check up on me a few times and to ask whether he should just get on with his Sonlight. I checked he knew the correct week and then he got out the IG and just did it all.

He did day dream a fair bit - his own words - but he had finished by 12 and bought me a drink so I could take more tablets. He did really well with his maths which pleased me too.

After B came home and did lunch he did a non-verbal reasoning paper.

He spent most of the afternoon on the computer,yacht brokerage sites (!) google earth and neopets mainly.

My migraine still had disappeared but at 3pm I dragged myself out of bed and packed a couple of eBay orders after I had spent some time listing yesterday afternoon. Some jealous competitor had one of my listings ended as Sadie had unfortunately put a link to the website in the auction template and I hadn't noticed it! So I had to delete it from all the other listings - so labourious and then relisted the item. All this over 45p! Not funn with migraine.

I crawled back into bed at that point and B bought me dinner in bed as I felt so yeuck.

Charlie had art club and by the time he got back I was out of bed. They were going to be doing HappyMais this week but for some reason didn't. He came back with his inked flag, several pastel pictures and a couple of drawings. I must get round to taking photos of all the stuff done so far. He is really enjoying this club and I'm really pleased we found something he likes.

We need to get to the library tomorrow and return our books and I also want to do some sun catcher/stained glass thingies we've had for about year. I wanted to do them with him today but illness took over. I'm really pleased that our chat seems to have finally sunk in and he got on so well with his "normals" today. Here's hoping tomorrow goes as smoothly.

Results today were 33 confirming that miscarriage is imminent. Feel relieved that likelihood of ectopic has all but gone and relieved to have to do no more gestone jabs as my bum will never be the same again.

So my sixth lot of fertility treatment resulted in a pregnancy that lasted approximately 10 days. Feels like another baby will never happen in this family. Knew I shouldn't have read all those stories out there of loads of women with low betas (like 5 and 24) going onto have healthy babies because it allowed a tiny seed of hope into my mind.

Charlie devastated and has been screaming and yelling at us both all day long resulting in him being sent to bed at 6pm. Not my best bit of parenting really.

To make it all worse my mother told me on the phone that "oh dear, you knew it was going to happen anyway" and "it wasn't a baby anyway", so I swore at her and hung up.

Quick update

Well today was hellish. First the train was delayed, then we waited two hours in the bloody clinic to be seen. Two hours in a boiling hot clinic with no air-con and puke inducing water cooler was not fun for me or Charlie.

Coming home on the train I felt soooo ill - banging headache, nausea, hot flushes bleugh. Came home and went straight to bed (4.15 before we got back) whilst waiting for clinic to call with results.

I chased them at 5pm and got the result but no real answer. HcG is 61 which is a low positive for 13 days post a 3 day transfer. Nurse said concern now re ectopic because of bleeding and HcG level. If it was a miscarriage the levels should be much lower by now as been bleeding since Wednesday so 6 days really. COuld be low due to late implantation though.

Need repeat tests this week to see whats happening re ectopic/m/c/or just slow starter. Decided I can't face going into London again this week so have e-mailed the Oxford fertility unit and asked if they will do the blood tests on Weds and Fri as I reckon two tests is better than having one on Thursday and then waiting again until Monday.

On the positive side, no real bleeding at since yesterday morning. Slight amounts of v light spotting only. Sorry for tmi.

Thanks to everyone again for all their comments and thoughts, it is much appreciated.

So lucky me has yet more waiting. I had totally prepared myself for a negative today so the thought of an ectopic is a bit much right now.

This is begining to feel like a saga now. Woke up to quite a bit of bleeding - more than before and did another test. Positive but much feinter than yesterday so I rang the clinic and a really lovely doctor called me back and agreed the best thing is to go to the clinic on Monday and have a beta HcG blood test as the only real way to find out what is going on. Likelihood of early m/c of one or both little ones but could still "just" be a bleed. Have to "carry on" as if pregnant until Monday.

Charlie is finding this really hard - he cried this afternoon because he saw just one magpie in the car on the way home from Oxford and because he hit me on the arm on the park and ride bus and thought that it would kill the "baby" and it was all his fault.

So whilst I know deep down that there probably isn't going to be a good outcome for this pregnancy, the blood test will give us a definitive answer and that will make it easier on him, he just doesn't understand at the moment why I'm bleeding and it won't stop and why he can't be happy. To be honest I'm not sure I understand either.

I must remember to ask about the recipient tomorrow, something good has to come out of all this and if it's making a 3rd couples dreams come true then that's good enough for me.

I've debated about blogging this all day but it seems wrong not to acknowledge what's happening.

My official test date is tomorrow and on Wednesday morning I started spotting. By Weds evening it had turned into light bleeding which has continued. Yesterday morning I did an evil pee stick test and it was a very feint positive. Yesterday afternoon I went out and bought some Clear Blue tests which thankfully were on offer in Sainsburys. I figured I needed to use a brand I could trust.

I tested again this morning and it was another stronger positive. I rang the clinic and the nurse congratulated me and told me to treat as a positive and book a scan for 3 weeks time when I'd be 6 weeks +5 days pregnant. I declined saying I'd rather test again tomorrow and Monday and see what happens with the bleeding. If the tests are still positive on Monday I will book my scan and might go to the GP for a beta blood test if the bleeding hasn't stopped.

So, positive test is good, today I am still pregnant but bleeding could either be ok or not ok. As long as it doesn't get any heavier it is likely to just be one of those things (90% of IVF pregnancies have bleeding in the first trimester)or one embryo failing and one embryo making it.

Charlie is thrilled but understands until we see a hearbeat nothing is guarranteed - I am so proud of him as he is being so positive and caring.

I'd like to publicly thank Merry here because she has been *so* supportive despite everything. Thank you - you've made this 2ww much easier than it could have been just be being there and I appreciate it so much. Thank you also to everyone else who has left me messages of support - it is so appreciated.

So now there is nothing to do but wait again. Arggghh first the 2ww and now an almost 3ww!

Just a quickie

Charlie started the day really well with going from breakfast to teeth to dressed to starting his normals really well and quickly. First off was an ELE unit which he did surprisingly well with occassional help. He moved onto SL reading, history, geography and science and really enjoyed todays work although I can't remember what he did except science was about energy including new and greener sources.

After that he finished a SOTW colouring sheet from yesterday and then begged to be allowed to play nintendogs on my DS lite. I was in the office at this point and could quite a bit of shouting coming from the sitting room. He and B went to the lakes for a long walk and he cleared out the waterfall again.

A quick dinner and change of clothes and I dropped him off for his first art club session which was for two hours until 8pm.

I was greeted with a beaming smile when I picked him up - he really enjoyed himself. They did some instruction led idea abstract art (!)and a 3D plaque and pastels thingy as individual pieces. Then as a group they did a kind of group picture where the teacher drew a desert island and each child drew a feature on it. Next she emptied out a big bag of plastic bags and bits of plastic and did an Art Attack style picture of the completed island with them.

Charlie was thrilled to notice that there was a big bag of Happy Mais in the room and when the teacher didn't know how to use it Charlie obliged by telling her. They might use it next week apparently as well as doing something with scraps or leather and suede.

It seems like he had a really positive experience and said that he really likes the teacher, Kate and he hopes they don't change teachers. I reassured him that its only her that does it as far as I know.

He's now happily fast asleep in my bed as B and her man flu kept me awake all night last night so a bit of bed swapping has been called for.

Catch Up - Again!

Yesterday was spent with the Puddles as Charlie loves to refer to them collectively and was really lovely. Merry and I chewed the fat over biz stuff as usual whilst Josie entertained us with utter cuteness and Amelie was just so cool - no other word for it - that girl rocks.

She really loved hearing all our Disney tales and at one point I really thought her eyeballs would pop with wonderment over hearing of some of the characters we met. She seemed particularly taken by tales of eating dinner with them.

Charlie, Fran and Maddy played particularly well together I noticed quite a few times and there was much insistance at the end of the day that he sit firmly inbetween them so as to be next to both whilst DVD watching.

My new zoom lens arrived just as we were leaving home so I was able to take it with me to play with it a bit. After a few false starts it started working but I can't use the camera with it in anything other than auto mode because I shake too much! Must remember tripod next time for manual shots!

All in all a lovely day which was also the perfect way to distract me and Charlie and I had some lovely conversations particularly on the way home when he philosophised over whether the "babies" would stay put and how he might feel if they don't this time after he's "been waiting so long for a baby". Cue a few teary eyed seconds from me - not good when you're driving in the dark! We got home lateish - 10.30 and put Charlie straight to bed after he had a screaming melt down at B.

Today has been a bit mish mashed. Took B to work and then came home to find my prescription from the clinic and the needles and syringes whilst Charlie started a ELE unit. Then out to see the GP to ask if they'll do the prescription. 35 mins wait in the surgery - they were so busy - ugh.

Then straight from the GP to fill the car up and to pick up B from work and home from lunch. Charlie finished off his maths - after 2 hours!!!! More screaming fits at B - think he's a bit emotional still and then he did SL and SOTW but didn't get on to Science before bed!!

I uploaded photos and fiddled in picassa in attempt at distraction and did some forum surfing too.

Then I got Charlie to bring down all his non-fiction and SL books which we've now put on the bottom of our second new bookcase. This means we can clear a bookcase from his room into the garage. I think we're going to bring down all the workbooks and resources too, just need to figure out the best way to store those.

B has man flu and has been moaning all afternoon driving me mad. Popped over to mum and dads this evening to pick up a form I have to sign to do with their business and Dad showed me some of his many holiday photos. Including an impressive one he took of a ship over a mile out to sea. His lens is *so* bigger than mine - sulk.

Charlie has his first session at art club tomorrow night which he seems to be looking forward to.

  

  

Catch-Up

Friday started badly with very painful injection - I'm sure B does it on purpose - not sure what the neighbours must think of my yelling and swearing about it but hey ho! They keep us awake so much with their stupid parties and inane girly loved up giggling. It's revenge.

Took B to work and then fully intending to make my break for freedom worth it, Charlie and I joined the library, cue Charlie and I staggering back to the car with massive bag full of huge sized non-fiction books for him! We picked up some more of our Disneyland Paris photos and then mooched around the shops for a bit before going home for lunch which Charlie made again :)

After lunch Charlie did some ELE maths, CHOW and SOTW units and Science. By the time that was finished we had to go and pick up B from work.

I was very excited to win a Canon 75-300 zoom lens on eBay for a fab price - finally a decent lens to take some decent pics with - can't wait for it to arrive.

Saturday saw us heading out to Millets Farm Centre for a bit of PYO. Charlie chose victoria plums, courgettes and raspberries and we got a very respectable haul of all 3. Love PYO as Charlie does. We went and peered at the animals, had lunch there and did some food shopping in their farm shop before exhaustation and ovary pain overwhelmed me and we were home by 1.30pm. Took a few photos before my battery ran out, will upload on Tuesday as battery charging now.

Charlie did some SOTW activity sheets and we all lazed around watching a DVD before X-Factor. Charlie's behaviour had been appalling - the stress of this 2ww is really affecting him this time. He's so desperate for a sibling.

Today B bought be breakfast in bed and then took Charlie to the Lakes. I was exhausted and fell back to sleep, not waking until 11.30am. I am sooo tired all the time at the moment and not sure why as I've never felt like this before on a 2ww.

After lunch we nipped to Sainsburys to finish our shopping and then vegged with more DVD's, books and Charlie did some SL Science and loads of reading. He also went out on his bike for a while, hoping to see Henry I think but I gather there was no sign of him.

B cooked a lovely dinner although her first attempt at yorkshire pud was a diseaster- it was a bit like a very fluffy pancake inside.

I've been very grateful to get through today with no spotting at this point as in last time, and no feeling that my period is imminent. Just need the next 5 days to go quickly and uneventfully and for the waiting to be over. The last person on my clinic thread onFertility Friends who was due to test before me has had a postive today, she is about the 30th or so of a row of positives from our clinic since July. So pleased for her and pleased that the clinic appears to be on a roll.

S*d sofa rest

I am sooooooooooooooooo bored I am going insane officially.

As Merry kindly posted for me I had my embryos transferred on Tuesday. They were ok embies, not brilliant like last time but ok. I had a 8 cell grade 1 embryo and a 7 cell grade 2 embryo replaced.

I also had a 6 cell grade 2 embryo and a 5 cell grade 2 embryo frozen for future use. The fifth little embryo hadn't grown/divided overnight and had arrested. :(

In terms of grading - grade 1 at my clinic is the best so after getting 5 grade 1 embies last time and only 1 this time I wasn't over the moon. It is very hard to stay positive at the moment and I'm trying instead to have a "whatever will be" attitude but both the doctor and the embryologist seemed rather negative and the doctor started talking about my next try which made me want to slap her - bit difficult when you're on your back, feet in stirups with a metal object in your nether regions and a nurse pressing the scan probe really hard on your painful swollen uterus and ovaries!!!!

One of my ovaries was laying over my uterus which explains why I had experienced so much abdo pain this time. Thankfully it seems to have settled now and the only pain I have left is both my buttocks from the gestone injections. A lumpy, sore, bruised bum isn;t much fun and the injections get more painful each morning - I am sure Bev is getting off on inflicting the pain. I swear I can hear her muttering about revenge.

In terms of the embryo development now, if they have survived until today they will be blastocysts and look like this

With any luck tomorrow they will start to hatch, ready to implant from Sat-Tuesday.

Charlie has been a busy bee during my sofa rest. Yesterday he completed a Bond Assessment Paper in Maths
which was slightly easy for him but he did it really quickly and was proud to get 25/25 - he asked me to mark it for him. He also did a unit of his Egmont Learning Explorers maths workbook He's enjoying this book too at the moment - seems to suit his learning style well.

Then he moved onto SL, so history and geography about Athens and Sparta and the differences between them, some CHOTW and SOTW on both subjects and activity pages too. A bit of SL science finished up the work for the day.

Today he was up before Bev and downstairs doing some more SL science - all about space and planets. This shocked us both as neither of us heard him get up. He had heard B's alarm and gone straight downstairs - I was impressed!

After breakfast he carried on with science whilst I decluttered the huge pile of magazines on the sitting room floor that I've been trying to alleviate boredom with. I read, read some more, surfed the net, made some more touring plans for our Disney Florida holiday, got a bill from the clinic - GULP - and received an interesting package of needles and syringes from them also.

Then Charlie made lunch :)

B came home and mowed and strimmed the lawns and Charlie has now done some more science, finished off Athens and Sparta. He's just starting the next unit in the ELE book.

I've decided officially that I am off sofa rest from this afternoon - I'm too bored. I'm going to go for a short walk and get some fresh air before I go insane.

I thought I'd really enjoy having three weeks off work and that it would make things easier but found myself starting to get bored today! Once I surfed my heart out, read my book and a magazine or two, flicked through supplier catalogues and watch birth shows on tv I was brain dead!

Part of it is because Charlie is so self sufficient in learning and play that he doesn't really need any help/intervention/company.

So this morning he did two pages of maths, a paper of Verbal Reasoning (which he loved) history bits on Sparta in both SOTW and CHOW and the respective SOTW activity pages. He also did lots of reading, bringing me drinks and making lunch for us both. He's also worked on his huge map he is drawing.

He was very sweet this morning when I was lying in bed having my injection and was stroking my hair giving me a lecture about how it will be worth it.

We now have a crisis brewing as he has the most horrendous hacking cough and has fallen straight to sleep (which is a miracle even though he's poorly). B really has to work tomorrow for various reasons and I don't really want to drag him to London with me when he's not feeling right and my parents are on hols. Arggghh. Doesn't seem fair to put him through 3h 20 mins of train journeys and then possibly a long wait in the clinic. Don't really want to be taking him near immune supressed patients (like me) either as it's not fair to them. I know it's only a cough but he's also burning up.

Off to panic a bit now.

I just rang the lab to check on the embryos and wished I hadn't now, I didn't know I could do this last time but a friend on FF recommended that I did.

This morning we have 1 x 4 cell perfect embryo, 1 x 3 cell ok embryo, 2 x 2 cell embryos that are ok-ish - one of which has fragmentation and 1 highly fragmented embryo that they don't hold much hope for.

So it seems that this lot of embryos are nowhere near as good as last years which is very disappointing in a kind of I'm not sure if I can go through all this again way. It's frustrating when I did a lot more stuff this time to ensure better quality eggs and therefore embies. Extra protein, drank more fluid (which is really hard for me) remembering faithfully to take my vits and minerals.

So very much looking like it will be transfer tomorrow and not blasts on Thursday which I really wanted to give us the best chance. I'm not holding out any hope at all now for particularly good embryos.

The embryologist finally called around 30 mins ago whilst I was in the bath and they called the mobile - grr.

I couldn't hear all that well and her foreign accent didn't exactly assist but out of my 8 eggs 6 were suitable to be ICSI'd and so were and 5 fertilised. Embryo transfer is provisionally booked for 11.20 on Tuesday. If they don't call by 9am on Tuesday to say that they are taking the embies to blasts then transfer will go ahead.

I don't normally go in for all that talking to the embryos, sending vibes to them thing but please precious embies divide and grow well.

Have let B do the first gestone injection now too, we had to wait for the call first in case none fertilised. I think B was more traumatised than I was.

Egg collection went ok - 16 eggs this time so 8 each for me and recipient. Had a bad reaction to GA and tummy was really sore this time so got given IV painkillers and voltarol :) Throat also really sore from tubes this time. Beginning to feel like I'm getting too old for this malarky as today has really taken it out of me. Slept most of the way home on the train and now doing battle with acid reflux again.

This is the bit that I hate now - having to wait until the call tomorrow morning from the embryologist to find out how many fertilised. So, so, so scared that none will fertilise like the first time. Also scared for the recipient that hers won't do well either. Ugh.

It was my own lovely consultant that did my op which was nice and she told me to request her for embryo transfer too. Then she scared me by telling me that she'll let me start the gestone injections tomorrow rather than today "because they hurt so much".

Had to go down to the clinic to collect the IM needles for the gestone and both the receptionist and I nearly fainted when we saw the size of them. OMG they are huge and long and thick. Told Bev she will end up chasing me round the house for at least 8 hours tomorrow before I let her do the injection. My buttock is as scared as me I think!

Elephant house

...well I feel like an elephant as my stomach is swelling further upwards and outwards even more. Need to lay these eggs now!! Trigger injection site is really sore, red and swollen today - yeouch.

Had a lovely day today after another night of little sleep due to the most intense acid reflux keeping me awake.

Took B to work and then went to the bank to pay bills and move some money between the two biz accounts too. Then decided a slow wander around the shops might be a good idea. Well a slow waddle anyway. Got Charlie some beads and cord for jewellery making, some card and envelopes for card making, a box for his geomags and a landscape colouring book too in a little shop in town.

Checked out the Radley purses to go with my radders bag but they didn't have the right size so gave up and waddled to Jessops to pick up the first lot of prints from Disneyland. They had my two sets ready but not the second lot we had ordered in B's name in order to take advantage of the 40 free prints deal. Pah. Waddled further and finally managed to find Charlie a new electric toothbrush - Mickey Mouse of course!

Got him some Bond Assessment Papers in WhSmith, maths, verbal and non-verbal reasoning and then to Ottakars where he bought Treasure Island with some money my parents gave him yesterday. I also got him another maths workbook. Waddled back to car to dump bags and then went to M&S for tasty treats, stopped in at the Mill Arts Centre to pick up details on Capoeira classes, youth theatre, dance and Art Club.

Then we drove over to the train station and picked up the train tickets for tomorrow. Got home and had lunch.

I slobbed on sofa and tried to fight the rising acid reflux whilst Charlie did two pages of the new maths book very competently, and then we went to collect B from work having stopped at the post office to post Anara parcels.

Filled up with petrol on the way home and then Charlie did a whole paper of non-verbal reasoning. As I suspected he really enjoyed this just as I used to when I was his age and we did them at prep school all the time to prep for 10+/11+

B is out for a walk, Charlie is riding his bike and I'm just settling down with a trade mag to browse to try and finalise Xmas stock - arrggghhh.

Have to be up at 5.30am tomorrow to leave to catch my train to London at 06.05 - yikes! Will be at hospital by 7.45 ish if taxi goes fast enough from station so hoping they won't kill me for being late. I'm second on the operating list, so it's eggs laid time at 9.30am hopefully. Charlie's given them a strict talking to, to make sure they're all nice and mature. Rofl.

Today and yesterday

Taking three weeks off work is starting to make me demented - I never know what day or time it is.

Anyway, yesterday saw Charlie back to normals with much stropping and bad mood. Eventually, a page of Miquon and the start of writing a piece in his diary about our holiday was done. I slobbed in front of the pc, in bed reading mags and then on the sofa as bloating is big and walking feels odd! I swore at flickr loads too as it takes sooooo long to load photos - grrrr.

Charlie did a load of train station 3D plans on Google SketchUp which he enjoyed loads.

Today I swore at the Anara website for various reasons I can't really go into on here just in case. We nearly missed our train to London this morning for my last follicle scan - made it onto platform at 10.11 and train departed at 10.12! I had to do the shameful thing of not paying for a parking ticket as I only had a £20 note in the house and about 20p in coppers and not the required £2.50 for station car park. There was no on -road parking anywhere near and I didn't have time to go into the station, up the four flights of stairs, across the bridge to the cafe buy something, back down the stairs and then walk the half mile back to the overflow car park. I felt really, really bad - I've not done anything like that before but I could not miss the scan because of the blood test deadline. Sigh. I came back fully prepared to pay the £50 fine and see a clamp and miraculously got away with it. Oh the shame.

Anyway, made it to the clinic on time - scan fine - loads of lovely follicles and had blood test. Sorted out consent forms for egg donation and the stipulations for use, research and storage etc Back to Marylebone and on the train again by 12.54 eating a cheese and onion cornish pasty for lunch and glugging Duchy organic apple juice - yum.

Bev picked us up having had to walk several miles from work to the train station car park and then we came home to wait for the clinic to call having stoped at Sainsburys for another 8 pints of organic milk, pineapple juice and pregnancy tests all ready for the 2ww.

Charlie has been finishing his diary piece and doing some maths since we got back - still doing it now after dinner!

Clinic called around 4.30 to say that egg collection is going ahead on Saturday - my operation should be at 9.30. Had to do my last menopur injection just now and have taken my last two sniffs - yay! Then its time for the big trigger injection at 9.30 tonight. Drug free day tomorrow except for my steriods and pregnacare, egg collection Sat morning and then the evil gestone injections start on Sunday - sob.

I'm hoping for 20 eggs on Saturday but I think that's a bit optimistic as best previously has been 17 eggs. 20 would give me and my recipient 10 each and therefore give me a good chance of 8 being mature, and 7 fertilising. That in turn would give me a good change of 6 embryos that would be allowed to go to blasts. I desperately want a blast transfer this time to maximise my chances but we'll see. I also like to make sure that my recipient gets a good number of eggs to maximise her chances so fingers crossed. I would be over the moon if embryos from my eggs managed to make a third woman pregnant!

Tomorrow we're going to sort out some of Charlie's home ed resources/books/stuff and take some of it downstairs to go on one of our new bookcases in the sitting room. That way he can utilise the new table in there too which will be helpful whilst I'm glued to the sofa for the next 2 and a bit weeks resting up.

We also need to go into town to get him a new electric toothbrush - his is rather broken. He wants to learn about some railway line engineering principles too so I'm going to try and facilitate that somehow using google.

Back....and exhausted

and so full of follicles that my stomach makes me look about 6 months pregnant which is disturbing. I don't so much walk as roll around at the moment. After getting back (v late) from Disneyland on Monday night Charlie and I stayed in London before my scan yesterday morning whilst B came home on the train. Scan went well - 14 follicles so far, had another scan today and next one tomorrow. Looks like egg collection will be set for Saturday but that will depend on tomorrows scan and blood test results. I've been looking furtively at the gestone amps on my desk and gulping as the time to start injecting those gets nearer!

Holiday was lovely but very exhausting and the down right rudeness and shoving of the French and Spanish really, really wound me up! Disney is fab no matter what but the queue jumpers and shovers were the pits and I am a woman used to 25 years worth of ski-lift queues - this was worse! It was my second trip to Disneyland Paris - the first was in 1995 with a friend - again the bank holiday weekend - and C and I have also been to Disney in Florida. The behavious of the other patrons coupled with the very un-Disney like Cast Member's definitely spoiled it for me having experienced Florida.

I was also so disappointed with my camera's performance during the fireworks. I'm not sure whether it's me or the lens/camera but all the photos were shot in the P mode and there were many times when the stupid thing just refused to take a pic, with lots of whirring and moaning going on, despite the use of tripod and trash can! I had hoped to use this trip as good practice for Florida in Jan as the fireworks there last 45 minutes rather than 5 but I failed. So, at the next camera club meeting I'm determined to get to the bottom of what the lack of focussing and whirring was all about. I love photography, I love photos, they are v important to me and v important that I take good ones and I didn't so that must be rectified.

Apart from all that and the eurostar being delayed for an hour on Saturday (train broke so they gave us the Lille one) and being delayed coming back on Monday ( train arrived late, passengers got stuck in lift going down to the platform and then the high speed overhead lines in France didn't work - we arrived at Waterloo 1.5 hours late) we had a fab time. Sequoia Lodge was lovely - we had a lake view montana room and the view was gorgeous, the food at Cafe Mickey, Walts and Innoventions was good - especially the puddings! Characters were v good, Charlie loved the Prince and Princess Parade - especially the Princesses, he loved Phantom Manor having hated the Florida version and we spent loads on souvenirs! At one of the character meals, Stitch was really taken with Charlie and get coming back to spend time with him, Captain Hook messed up our table, throwing napkins and cutlery across the table and Minnie had a fight with Mickey whom kept stroking my hair and cuddling me! Fabulous.

Charlie loved collecting character autographs which is something he wasn't interested in at Walt Disney World. We were all upset not to have seen Donald - he was elusive! Honey I Shrunk the Audience was good - the being touched by mice part was horrible though!!

I'm very glad we went this past weekend rather than waiting until I was in the 2ww as once Sunday came I was starting to struggle a little with walking, not sure if it was drug related but calve and thigh muscles went so badly at one point we nearly considered hiring a wheelchair for me! I was terrible at remembering my 4pm drug sniff which meant being stared at by people as I unceremoniously stuck the pump up my nose whilst walking down Main Street, rumaging in Sleeping Beauty Castle or on the Studio Tram Tour at the Disney Studios!

Charlie's is still buzzing from the trip and he bought lots more pins and was even brave enough to do a trade with a CM this time! He's busy writing about the trip in his diary now (covers English). He loved speaking French whilst we were away and was always saying Merci , au revoir etc.

Another catch up

Scan was good on Wednesday, everything was ready so I started injecting on Weds along with the steriods too. My next scan is Tuesday then one of Thursday and hopefully egg collection on Saturday.

Went to the GP today to get signed off for 3 weeks, to get my preds and to ask for a letter listing my meds. GP was as lovely as always and happy to help.

B has just nipped into town to pay a bill and Charlie is supposed to be tidying his room but it doesn't sound like it from here.

At 4pm we're off to catch the train into London ready to catch the eurostar to Disneyland Paris tomorrow morning. We're coming back on Monday night and B will be coming home by herself whilst C and I stay in London another night before my scan on Tuesday morning. C and I are then taking the train to see my friend and her 4 daughters in Cheltenham before finally coming home on Wednesday night! Then scan again in London on Thursday. Phew - I'll need another holiday to recouperate.

Hope everyone has a nice bank holiday weekend.

Charlie Catch Up

There isn't a great deal to say but I shall waffle anyway.

The intensive swimming course last week was amazing. There were 6 children in his group and they were the only people in either pool the entire week for the duration of the lesson. This was excellent as it meant it wasn't noisy enough to distress or distract Charlie.

There were two teachers for the group and I can honestly say they are best teachers I have ever seen. They assessed the children and then split them into two groups of three and each teacher took a group, although they swapped over frequently as well. It was amazing to watch all the children improve within minutes each day. Charlie loved these lessons and so is on the main swimming academy list for full time lessons now. All the children got a certificate at the end of the week.

It was tricky getting him up at 7.45 each morning so we could leave at 8.45 to drop Bev in work before lessons at 9.20 but he managed it despite his exhaustion and I was really proud of him for actually listening to the teachers for the majority of the time - he normally finds that hard in a pool.

We've had maths tantrums and refusal and going slow all week which has been frustrating but today he did amazing maths work - very focused and got on with it. He did a nice selection of WWS and Miquon and was really proud of himself when something finally clicked.

We've had the usual varying conversations and questions all week and as always the detail has left my mind but suffice to say that boy still amazes me with his knowledge and manages to make me feel really dumb. I must brush up on my aeronautical engineering knowledge.

He's been investigating plane engine design on the net and reading loads and loads as usual too. His favourite game at the moment is to go to B and buy military planes off her for millions and pay with his credit card - rofl.

He's also done loads of lincoln log and HappyMais play and also did one of the hama designs from kit we bought from Merry. At the weekend I bought him some new games for his PSP and he's played some golf on that as well. I got AC:WW for my DS and am not really sure how you play it! Must get Merry to give me a tutorial when I see her next!

In a dangerous moment on Friday when I was on the internet with my credit card next to me I booked us a little break to Disneyland Paris for the bank holiday weekend. We're staying in London on Friday night and then off on the Eurostar on Sat morning and returning Monday night. Expensive - very - worth it - for sure! Charlie was so excited when we told him as he still has no clue about DisneyWorld in Jan for his birthday.

I had to ring the clinic today and they have bought my baseline scan forward to tomorrow afternoon. The nurse reckons I will be down regged enough to start injecting tomorrow and has kindly agreed to write me a letter listing all my meds for eurostar! I'm not too bothered about the usual menopur injections but not looking to take the steriods much. I already bloat up so much on the IVF drugs so its not like I need steroids to add to that! I've been having to wear maternity jeans as it is since I started the pill, which is disturbing.

So that's me, a bit tired, a bit stressed, suffering from either sweats or shivers alternately (my immune system kicking in/side effects of sniffs), achey limbs and headaches and tomorrow I've got my first encounter with the dildocam to look forward to!