Thinking about the future

Had a nice weekend recovering from camp - my parents came for lunch on Sunday and we had a lovely time - mum was the most chilled I've seen her for years which was nice. Still had the odd run in with Charlie and trying to tell him what to do but I managed to redirect her! We had a fab time taking it in turns to play catch ball with Charlie and as mum and I were the only two to "beat" him we had to play a winners game. That is until mum managed to catch the ball and break her bat thing just as I was about to win and so the game ended prematurely!

On Monday I had the day off from work so did lots of last minute adjustments to the website and Charlie helped me get out and weigh each individual product (just over 100 now!) so that I could enter the weights into the database and calculate the international shipping charges - so much fun - not. But v. educational for Charlie using the scales and discussions about tare, ISO codes and shipping charges and zones etc

I've been thinking recently about asking to go part time and only work four days a week and now that my parents definitely aren't selling their business I decided to talk to my mum about it today. She was fine about it and thought it was a good idea. However, after she'd entered what my new salary would be into the payroll program and came back and told me, I wasn't so sure. I'd guesstimated that I'd loose £200 a month net but it would actually be more like £315 net a month.

Thing is, Charlie desperately needs more time with me and I with him, he is becoming increasingly difficult at times and although I am aware that it's probably an over-reaction on my part as I know really that it's probably just normal childhood cheekiness etc *I'm* not used to it from him. He had a massive meltdown last night after being *so* rude to me all day. Yet today he spent as much time as he could on my lap cuddled up and sucking his thumb. It's so odd for a child who's attitude at the moment is so typically teenagerish and then acts like he's still my baby.

He is so aware that he is now big enough that I can't *make* him do things he doesn't want to - such as getting dressed and that makes it hard sometimes. I've always had the philosophy that there is very little he *must* do and most things are by choice but that doesn't help when I *really* need him to get dressed or whatever so we can go out. He knows I can't physically carry him to the car and strap him in, so threats of taking him in pj's are futile.

His favourite sayings at the moment are am I bothered, whatever, and bugger off. It all sounds so petty when you blog it as its hard to remember the other stuff that is worse and his attitude and tone are so appalling and he is so disrespectful.Sometimes, despite being very committed to AP/UP, it would seem easier to just resort to mainstream parenting. But I know that's a cop out and the easy way out and not how I want our lives to be.

When he's been fine and "normal" for a few days at a time and then you get a day where there is this constant moodines, stroppiness, banging around, rudeness, attitude etc and it goes on all day until 11pm or whatever it's very draining and that's only one child!

I've tried asking him what's the matter and is anything bothering him because to be honest he really has been like it since the beginning of the year, although there were signs of it in the later half of last year. He just says he doesn't know or that nothing is up. He was fine at camp last week except for one meltdown when he was tired and we certainly didn't get the attitude.

I can't put it down to any changes in his life because there haven't been any for ages, its been 18 months since we returned to HE now and took him out of school, its been 3 1/2 years since his dad stopped seeing him, its been 14 months since Bev moved in with us and 7 months since we moved here - which he is loving due to being so close to my parents.

So I'm getting towards my wits end on the bad days, and desparately wanting to drop that day of work but at the moment loosing £300 odd pounds of "spare" income isn't viable for various reasons - mainly that most of it needs to put into the business until the business starts making money.

I suspect he is lonely since moving as there is no HE scene in this part of the county, but I don't believe that is what is causing all this as the HE group where we lived before was only once a month, although we did see HE friends fortnightly and there were trips too.

Any input gratefully received and please forgive any typos but I'm too tired to check the post.